“A different language is a different version of life.”
Federico Fellini
Today marks the end of my third week at my Italian language school, Torre di Babele. The program is an immersion-based school with classes five days a week. The only permissible language to speak is Italian. Discussions in other languages are actively discouraged: English, Spanish, Portuguese, Mandarin, Russian, German, Igbo, or Japanese, all are off the table. I reference those languages because they represent the “mother tongues” of the students who joined me those first few weeks.
Before I started at the school, I was concerned about how many native English speakers there would be and whether they would slow my learning. That was not the case. Students came to Roma from all over the world to learn Italian. They were a diverse group of people with their own backgrounds and stories to tell, and that my friends was pure magic for me. However, as in life, even pure magic sputters sometimes, and in my third week, my language school took an abrupt swipe at my educational nirvana when a reminder from my past showed up and challenged my perfect learning environment.
The first few weeks consisted of eight other students representing: Nigeria, Russia, Japan, Switzerland, China, Peru, Taiwan, and Brazil. When I saw this group, I was thrilled. It was exactly what I wanted. I relished being the only American there and I enjoyed the diversity. However, come week three, a new student joined us. He looked remarkably like Eugene Levy, facial expressions and all, and proudly introduced himself as, “Dave from Orange County, California.”
When “Dave from Orange County” rolled off his lips, I felt the gut-punch of an angry Alanis Morissette song. It could be any one of her classical rage-instilled hits, but this felt most like an “Ironic” moment:
“Well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right.”
With that simple introduction, I found myself suddenly thinking about my former life in California, LA traffic, earthquakes, wildfires, and my yearning for good Mexican food. I thought, “Shit, why is life popping my perfect bliss bubble?” Dave’s simple introduction threw me into a tailspin.
When class ended, “Dave from Orange County” said goodbye to me using his best Italian. I returned the same in Italian. Then “Dave from Orange County” promptly corrected and admonished me for mispronouncing a few words. He said, “If you cannot pronounce it correctly here, you’ll never get it right.” If this was anyone else, I would have thanked them and not been offended, but no, not “Dave from Orange County.” I smelled a challenge. So I said, “Dave from Orange County, how long have you been in Italy?”, which he replied, “about four years.” Well, that was all I needed to hear to unravel a year’s worth of work on Zen-based love and compassion for all.
I said to Dave, “After four years you should be singing like an Italian canary, and yet we’re at the same language level. I’ve been here two weeks. What’s your excuse?” Obviously, this put him on the defense, which is exactly where I wanted him. He mentioned something about work being busy, and I responded with a disinterested, “oh…ok.”
I left school and had to think about what “Dave from Orange County” triggered in me. I had not felt this way with any other student. I enjoyed all of them. I had wonderful afternoon walks with fellow classmates, Olga and Maria. Olga gave me perspective on life in Russia. We discussed what makes us different and what unites us. Maria and I strolled around ancient Roma. We visited the Forum, Palatine Hill and the Colosseum. This was Maria’s first visit, and experiencing it with her was a joy. Maria talked about her journey from Nigeria to Italy and her Catholic faith. I talked about my journey from America to Italy and my Spiritualism.
Maria’s blue veil pops as the Colosseum looms behind. 
Olga and I smile for the camera at Palantine Hill.
These experiences with Olga and Maria fit the romantic vision I had in my head. I would be surrounded by individuals from all over the world with their own unique stories to tell. We would talk language, art and culture. I would remain in a state of cultural bliss as part of my own reinvention. I would be a “European-in-the-making” blending in seamlessly with those that occupy this amazing continent. California’s painful events over the last 24-months would be far away and not come crashing back from the likes of “Dave from Orange County”.
After some thinking, I believe I understand my reaction. Dave was a victim of circumstance. I do believe his “made in America” tongue, may have been a bit too liberal for my burgeoning “made from the roots of Italy” desire. He obviously had no idea of the Pandora’s box of emotions he released when he introduced himself and reminded me of the past I wanted to forget and then challenged me at the deepest level.
His comment hit me in two ways. First, Dave used “never”. I detest words like, “never”, “you can’t”, “it’s not possible”, “that will never work”. They are terribly dangerous words for anyone to use. They set upper limits and boundaries on what a person can accomplish. I have lived my life trying to avoid upper limits, and this entire journey is all about destination unknown. The fact that Dave attempted to limit me was his first mistake. Secondly, his comments landed as an invalidation of my efforts. Sure, learning a new language is difficult, and absolutely terrifying at times. However, I was sensing my progress after those first few weeks. His simple comment hit my belief system and my ego head-on, and that is always a dangerous place to land with a stranger.
After much thought, I realize that if I want to smell the roses, I have to accept the thorns. My thorns are not Dave, but the memories, emotions and beliefs that cohabitate within me. I need to deal with the occasional Dave that will appear in my life and bring with them the painful memories of California and the conflict with my values. They will remind me that not everyone has tested their upper limits and found they are usually self-imposed and movable. I have a responsibility to show people what’s possible when they eliminate their barriers. These thorns are milestones on my road. The opportunity is mine to explore.
Despite this emotional rest stop, the program is incredible. Silvano, our instructor, is brilliant at what he does. We do not learn Italian by translating it into English or any other language. Silvano uses actions and expressions to associate a word or phrase with a subject or activity, similar to how children learn to talk.
After three weeks, I have reached a level of competency somewhere between a babbling two-year-old in diapers, and a rambunctious four-year-old that just discovered kitties make good throw toys. I can understand what the teacher is asking me, and when responding back, my responses are more refined and accurate, and I become a bit more confident each time.
As far as Dave goes, my Alanis Morrisette tributes will come and go. There will be more Daves in my life and more thorns to be exposed. That is what I signed up for with this journey. This is why I am here.
The Italians use an expression that I remind myself of when I have doubt or impatience: “Hai voluto la bicicletta? Allora, pedala!” It means, “Did you want the bicycle? Now, pedal!” Yes, I asked for this bicycle, and I’m going to pedal at my own pace and enjoy the journey along the way.
Thank you for your comments. I would love to hear about the times when you recognized your “thorns” and what you learned from them. I appreciate your interest and for following The Spaghetti Diaries. Grazie mille!
Try not to let the Daves of the world get to you, Luke. I know it’s not always easy, though. I greatly admire what you’re doing. Hang in there…and congratulations with the mastery of the language so far!
Thank you! The Daves always bring out the “Lukes” 🙂 The language is coming – I hope to hit preschool by next week! XOXO
Keep pedaling my dear friend! You are making progress on every level!
Bye for now (lisa from Long Beach via Ischia and Calabria…)
Thank you bella – and buon compleanno! Luke from Roma – via California – Via Pennsylvania – Via Campania! 🙂
I LOOOOVE the title on this one! And every word you wrote after it. Beautifully transparent and descriptive; I felt the sting of “Dave from Orange County’s” words (I wanted to smack him upside the head) and every bit of your reactions and thoughts afterward. Thank you for another brilliant instalment and also for the video of your fabulous instructor! I want to go to that school!!!!!
Big hugs to you, dear friend, and keep pedalling! xoxo
Thank you Liberty! I have a feeling you and Silvano would make great amici! He’s got an old soul…I’m sure of it! I’m glad the post brought you to the classroom with me. Like I said, it’s the Lukes of the world I have to dive into! Sending hugs to England! XOXO
Pretty soon the training wheels will come off the bike. Ultimately the bike will go in the garage and you will get to your destination on your own two feet! Auguri mio amico!!
Thank you, Michael! The bicycle wheels are spinning! Grazie mille e c’i vediamo!
Love that your story is more subdued than when we talked about it! Although the initial version was more colorful and hilarious! You are doing fabulous and I’m proud of your strength!
Thank you Linda! Yes, after soul-searching, I find that these are all self-reflection opportunities! Thank you for your support. Sending hugs from Roma!
I want to hear the version that Linda heard! LOL! Colorful and hilarious are the perfect words to describe your storytelling in person! However, I absolutely LOVE the way you are telling your stories here, so thoughtful and eloquent, dare I say “mature?” LOL. But seriously, I love reading about your journey and your willingness to share with us. You are amazing. xo
Thank you! The version Linda heard – was completely Linda-ized! If any can handle my potty mouth, she can. LOL And yes, mature is the word I choose to use when I walk in the class and meet people have my age talking about their late night partying and their early morning returns. Oh sweet bird of youth..where did you go?? You are amazing too and I am glad you are enjoying the journey! Double XOXO back atcha!
Omg! What a great story Luca! We all have some ‘Dave from Orange County’ people in our lives. I too am facing a next phase in life and will undoubtedly meet one myself.
Love your stories. Please keep them coming. I hope you are saving them for ‘the book’.
Love you!
J
Julie, thank you so much for the comment. When your “Dave from Orange County” arrives…you’ll know! It’s a great opportunity for self-reflection, and I hope I can continue to look within when I encounter those learning moments. Congratulations on facing the next phase with an open mind and open heart! The book..well..we shall see!! 🙂 Love ya back!
I’m loving reading about your journey. The good and the bad. Keep your head held high. I’m so proud of you.
Thank you, Melissa! I am so glad you are following along, and we can stay in touch! Even though Utah is far away, I always have you in my heart. I am proud of the wonderful person and mother you have become. A I know our mothers smile upon us both!
So this Dave, when stating where he was from said Orange County and not the USA?
I congratulate you on learning a new language the way you are doing it. My coworkers speak Spanish and I have been trying to pick up as much as possible. However, it is super difficult with English spoken as well. My brain is “pause, respond, forget” what I just learned.
Keep up the learning you are accomplishing. Don’t let “Dave from Orange County” spoil that.
Thank you Todd!! So good to see your name in my comments. I definitely think the immersion approach is so much better for young adults like us 🙂 I know the pause, respond, forget all too well! I find writing everything down from the textbook has made a huge difference in my learning. Of course, I’m one of the “mature” students in my class, the rest are able to just review the textbook. It is great fun! I learn a lot every time I have a Dave moment.
Oh Luke, you know what comes right after preschool, right? Attaching playing cards to the spokes of your bicicletta’s wheels to announce your arrival! Take THAT “Dave, from Orange County”! You’re amazing and I love that you’ve invited us along on this adventure with you. 🥰
Pam…I think in Italy you attach wine bottles to the spokes! You are amazing as well and thank you for being part of my life and my journey! 😘🤗
Hey My friend, I am enjoying living your experiences through your words. You definitely have the gift. I love how you put “Dave from Orange County” in his place! You tell him! Let the adventure continue… 🥰
Thank you, Dee Dee!! It means a lot to hear you are enjoying the posts. The Daves of the world will always be there to keep us on our toes and self-reflecting!! 😘🤗
Odd, but I just went through the same kinda thing. My blissful week of being grateful for my friends was rudely interrupted by a “Dave”! But my is a “Carrie”. It took a day to come back to my grateful place, but I did. Actually not 100% back, but your words gives me hope that I will be soon. Keep living out loud! ❤️
Maybe we should introduce Dave to Carrie and see how that works out?😀😀😀 Your blissful week and your note made a huge difference in my day!! Let’s all turn the volume of life up a bit!
Another fabulous post. (poor Dave – we’re all a bit annoyed with him right now and he has no clue). Thank you for letting us join your Italian language class and for giving us another peek at your amazing journey of discovery. I feel like we’re all riding in the basket of your bicycle as you venture onward.
Thanks Carla! I often thought what I would tell Dave if he reads this. I believe I would thank him for the moment of insight. He hit a chord that needed to be struck at some point. He ust happened to be the unsuspecting guy to sit down at the piano. 😀 I have come to know him a bit more, and like all of us at some point in our lives, he seeks reassurance in his learning and sometimes that comes at the unknown expense of others. I do feel like part of my motivation to move forward comes from all the people riding along and cheering for me as I pedal. I don’t think I have ever felt the kind of love and support that is behind me now. It makes the adventure so much easier and it makes me forever grateful! 🙏🙏🙏
Oh Lou! Thank you! This actually brought tears to my eyes! Thank you for reminding me of our sometimes painful triggers and how many of us try to hide from them and for reminding me that many of those limits we think are there in our lives are most of the time self-imposed. We become a bit “blind” if that is the correct word and complacent to all the possibilities! I guess we kind of lie to ourselves because it is easier to make excuses or to feel less? I absolutely love your writings!
Ciao Luke,
Just bumped into your blog. Your story is an inspiration! It is like you said: sometimes you have to lose to regain or find yourself. I had a tough last year myself, but I feel stronger now and decided to do what I always wanted to do: move to Italy!
Instead of Rome, I’ll be living in beautiful Siena, Tuscany, by myself. And I too signed up for a very similar Italian immersion language class. So nice to read about your experiences. Rome is wonderful, I fell in love instantly on my first visit and I’m sure many more to follow. Un grande abbraccio a te di Belgio.
I am so glad we “bumped” into each other 🙂 I’m sorry last year was difficult for both of us, but it does make us who we are today – which I am so grateful for now. Congratulations on your big move. Let’s stay in touch and follow our adventures together! Un grande abbraccio anche a te da Torino! Your comment made my afternoon. Thank you again.