Thoughts of love on Valentine’s Day in the Pyrenees

This week is an important one for me. Not because it begins with Valentine’s Day, the day for lovers, but because it marks my two-year anniversary when I arrived in Europe. It actually marks the week when the clock started on a new kind of love. The kind of love one finds in themself and their story, along with all that is surrounding them in the environment. It’s where you go next, when your heart gets torpedoed by grief, and your thoughts about love have changed dramatically.

As far as Valentine’s Day, well I woke up with only Sofia in bed with me this morning. She’s been a bit clingy lately and certainly somewhat inconsiderate of the bed space. Maybe she senses at this point her companionship is better than none, and I won’t complain if she chooses to take up more than her fair share.

I haven’t lost hope in Cupid, even though he has been “in abstentia” lately. I’m going with the belief that he actually decided to self-quarantine after dropping in on a crazy sex party where there was a subsequent COVID diagnosis. He’ll be back soon, but for now he’s playing it safe and doing his part not to be a super-spreader. At least that’s what I’m telling myself when I have thoughts of love in my mind.

I know I’m not alone, if you’re single during these crazy times, finding companionship or just simply someone to be close to, is difficult to say the least. I hear from so many people that what they miss right now during this full year of life interrupted is simple emotional and physical contact. It could be a hug, a cuddle from a person who lies next to them for a bit or simply a loving conversation with someone special in their life. Since COVID has become the new sexually transmitted disease of the 2020s, few are interested in pushing the boundaries.

These feelings of isolation can get heavy. So after all of the work at chez moi these last few months, I decided I needed a Valentine’s Day getaway. I wasn’t craving chocolate this year – I was craving to see snow. The last six weeks have been brutal with wind and rain, but not cold enough to snow. If we had snow, it would have felt as if all of that cold weather was for something magical. Rain just created mud. Mud mixed with horse manure and grass seed.

I was aching for a COVID-safe snow destination to perk me up a bit. So I pulled out my map to find the most direct way to the Pyrenees mountains separating Spain and France. And then, voila! I found myself back in the city where my original Pyrenees memories began over two years ago, Lourdes, France.

If you haven’t heard about my first Lourdes experience, you can read about my 36-hours there with this post. I think it’s an entertaining read and it will give you some insight into this crazy magical, touristy, and sacred town nestled in the foothills of the Haute-Pyrénées.

The last time I was here it was summer, but it was unseasonably cool and cloudy. I couldn’t see the majestic Pyrenees driving into the region. This time was different. Upon arriving into the valley, I saw this. (Yes, I know I’m not supposed to drive and take a video, but I was doing it for all of you. I wanted you to see what I saw.)

I met up with a friend, who just happens to be a French ski instructor. (I’m going to let your minds take you wherever you want to go with that. I wouldn’t dare spoil your imagination.) We set off for a full day of exploring and trekking in the mountains that surround Lourdes.

Once again, I found myself captured by the beauty of this place. It must be seen to be experienced, because the photos below do not do it justice

We spent most of today in Val d’Azun. We hiked over streams, climbed waterfalls and experienced never ending beauty. Images of prairie grass, moss-covered rocks and the wild flowers of winter are still in my head. There were vistas that kept drawing me further into the scenery.

This was my first foray into the Haute-Pyrénées, and I have to say, they reminded me remarkably of the Swiss or Italian Alps, albeit with a French twist. It was impossible not to find myself reliving the last two years, the numerous moments of love and luck that flowed into my life, and just how much has changed. I mean, there I was, hiking in the Pyrenees!

When I started on this journey two years ago, I knew I had to make my life’s footprint bigger. That was the only way to cope with all that had changed. I seldom stopped to reflect on the success of that goal.

Today was a day full of thoughts of love, but in a self-love kind of way. I thought about the places I had been, the people I met along the way and the changes inside of me. Today was a day where I could say to myself, “Well done. You’re on your way somewhere, but don’t worry. You don’t need to know where just yet.”

I battle with my desire to make progress, and I’m always questioning where I’m going. I’m still a bit aimless, a bit anxious, a bit fearful and always a bit tongue-tied with foreign languages. But then logic kicks-in. It’s ok to be aimless. Those languages aren’t so foreign to you now. The experiences are more normal, and the people that come in to my life bring such vastly different stories that I can’t help feeling love for myself in choosing to participate in all of this.

I also have to recognize how much love there is for the taking by just being open to saying “yes”. Fear or potential shame always wants you to say “no”. It’s a constant battle. However, I have learned to default to the affirmative, unless something really sounds just way out of my comfort zone.

I did climb a few waterfalls today, and I almost said “no.” I’m glad I didn’t. I never said I was graceful.

So my thoughts of love for you on this week of Valentine’s Day are this:

1. If you have someone in your life that makes you feel incredibly important, make sure you return the feeling.
2. Sleeping next to someone who warms your heart and soul should never be taken for granted.
3. If you find yourself alone, maybe you can use this time to recognize how far you have come.
4. Right now, if your life is feeling a bit muddy, try searching for your version of the snow.
5. Recognize how much love is waiting for you when you say yes to it. It may be different than what you thought, but it is still good.
6. If you’re waiting for Cupid..don’t. F#$k him.

Thanks for following along with The Spaghetti Diaries. I hope that you find all the love that you need this week, and know that there’s more than we can ever possibly need when we open ourselves up to it by leading with love first. Thanks for being part of the abundant love in my life.