“People often claim to hunger for truth, but seldom like the taste when it’s served up.”
George R. R. Martin
As I mentioned in my last post, I have been dating a wonderful “Italiano.” He has been my Sherpa, guiding me through my Italian experience and helping me avoid cultural missteps. However, in any new relationship there’s that first time when you step on a cultural landmine. I never expected the trigger would be a carrot cake!
Carrot cake has its advocates. I was neutral to it until my friend Maurine introduced me to her recipe from the J. Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles. I enjoyed it so much that it became my traditional birthday cake. For the last decade, Darin would go through painstaking efforts to make sure this cake was served on my birthday. When traveling, he would send the recipe to hotels and cruise lines, and the cake would be waiting to finish my birthday dinner. The cake has sentimental value because of the memories attached to it. Imagine my excitement when the opportunity arose to share this with my new Italian friends.
Last month I attended a yoga retreat in Ibiza, Spain. I was in charge of breakfast each day and made some of the best American pancakes you could imagine. Breakfast ended with a round of applause. The Italians were impressed. Later that week I was invited to a dinner party. Being emboldened by my recent pancake victory, I volunteered to bring a torta di carote–the carrot cake.
I decided to make two cakes. I needed one to try out with the Italiano first. They baked perfectly with just a small glitch in the frosting. American cream cheese has a host of ingredients not present in the European version, resulting in a frosting that’s more drizzle than spread, but the flavor was identical. How would this go over with a European palate?
That night I served the first piece to the Italiano. He took his first bite and chewed very slowly. Perhaps something told him, “Tread lightly and exercise caution.” He reached for his glass of water and took a hard swallow. Finally, his lips spoke his truth in perfect Italian accented English, “There are just too many flavors in this cake, it’s hard to taste anything. Where are the carrots–all I taste is sugar.”
Now before I go further into the unfolding culinary apocalypse, let me tell you about two cultural differences I have learned since I arrived in Italy:
First of all, American desserts are rich and sweet. They may not be as complex as European desserts, but what they lack in complexity, they make up for in decadence. Any discussion with Europeans strikes fear in their hearts. The onslaught of butter, sugar, and cream will surely lead to lifelong medical conditions countering those healthy Mediterranean diets. Think of apple pie à la mode with caramel sauce, New York cheesecake with strawberry compote, and Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. You won’t find gelato in Italy that begins with the words Chocolate Brownie Explosion or Chunky Monkey, and if you do–run!
Secondly, Americans have a built-in mechanism designed to shield the cook in the event of a flavor disconnect at the table. The polite filter kicks in, “That was delicious, but I am just too full to finish. Perhaps I’ll take it home with me.” It leaves everyone feeling good with egos intact. It’s like a Southern woman saying, “Bless your heart!” You have just been eviscerated in the kindest and most gentle way in America. Politeness trumps honesty.
The Italians are direct with everything. You want to talk about sex, politics, family or friends, everything is on the table. If you happen to be on the receiving end of this directness, kiss your fragile American ego arrivederci!
After the Italiano’s less than enthusiastic response, I went on the defense, “The carrots are more of a filler. Nobody would eat the damn cake if it tasted like carrots!” I then made a second pass attempt, “I think you need another bite with more frosting.” Surely, the cream cheese will convert him.
While he tried his second bite, I was struck with the thought that I have to bring this sugar bomb to a dinner party tomorrow. I’m wasn’t sure I could handle a dozen more reactions like this. This cake needed an exit strategy and fast! I think he realized my thoughts when he said, “Look, I’m not really a dessert person. I’m sure everyone will like it. Maybe you should serve it without the frosting?” What? How in the hell do you serve carrot cake without cream cheese frosting?
I cleaned up the dishes and the remains of my pride. I knew he wasn’t trying to offend me or my efforts, he simply was stating his truth. It didn’t sound hurtful to him, and it shouldn’t have been hurtful to me. I was only expecting the truth if it was what I wanted to hear. I thought about the situation before I went to bed that night, and by the morning, I had a new perspective. If he would have “sugar-coated” the truth, no pun intended, I would have been unprepared for the following evening.
I ended up bringing the cake to the party in all of its sweet and frosted glory. I explained to everyone it’s probably sweeter than they were used to and suggested a nice caffè would curb the sweetness. I also encouraged small pieces and even smaller bites. The entire cake was finished by the end of the night, with one piece left for the host. It was well received. The experience was a small victory over my ego, and my relationship remained unscathed by our first landmine detonation.
The Italiano and I laugh about this story now. Every day he teaches me how to be more direct, and every day I thank him for his honesty…bless his heart.
Thanks for following The Spaghetti Diaries. I hope you enjoyed the culture clash over “The Carrot Cake.” If you’re interested in the recipe, it’s quite easily found on the internet. Here’s one version that is comparable to what I made, without the minor adjustments for the European ingredients. https://www.cooks.com/recipe/cv6wq9jg/j-paul-getty-museum-carrot-cake.html
Hahahaha! Too funny! I am so used to this being raised by a Portuguese man and being around the family for a lifetime. “Good to see you, looks like u have gained weight, why?”
Haha. And true, european desserts are more about the fruits and flavors … and not sugar sweet at all. We were in Portugal when my son turned 12 … birthday cake, cookies, donuts filled the table … none sugar sweet but all so beautiful and delicious! Love your stories, Lou!
Marge,
So good to see your comment and yes..the flavors here are wonderfully fresh and simple, beautiful and delicious! I am happy you enjoy the stories and I’ll make it to Portugal soon to try those donuts! XOXO
Beautiful
Joe,
Thank you!! I am so happy to see your comment. You and I would have a riot of a time here! I hope you can visit one day!
That was a riot Luke! OMG!
It’s true, I think we bath in sugar in the US by comparison. But we are not entirely to blame. Let’s remember some of this started with the French and the Swiss – perhaps we just took to a new level.
You are such a fun writer. Please save these for a book of missives! You will rival David Sadaris! 🤣
Julie,
We are undeniably sweet on the inside and out, and yes, I blame those beautiful Swiss chocolates and French pastries! We live such a bountiful existence, it’s hard not to overdue it occasionally. Thank you for your very kind comments – it means a lot! I definitely enjoy the writing, and I’m glad you are enjoying it was well!
Sweet and savory, give and take, teach and learn. It’s all about balance and moving forward with respect and love. 💜
It is all about balance – although sometimes I get bold and spicy mixed up with sweet and savory 🙂 Thanks for the comment and sending love to you!
I do hope you’re thinking of turning these snippets into a memoir because someone need to make a movie about you. Miss you, Lou.
Rob,
Yes, I have thought about the story-worthy life that seems to be unfolding. Perhaps in a year or so I’ll have enough to start putting something together. You’ll have to help coach me – since you write so beautifully! Miss you as well my friend and send love to the girls for me!
Oh Luke!! How very entertaining and meaning-full. And that, my friend, is the honest truth! 😊
pat newmann
“Your partner in change”
415-924-8112
http://www.partnerinchange.com/
http://www.linkedin.com/in/patnewmann
From: The Spaghetti Diaries
Reply-To: The Spaghetti Diaries
Date: Sunday, June 2, 2019 at 9:53 AM
To: Pat Newmann
Subject: [New post] Tell the truth, unless it’s about my carrot cake.
Luke Lombardo posted: ” “People often claim to hunger for truth, but seldom like the taste when it’s served up.” George R. R. Martin The carrot cake as presented by Seabourn Cruises, September 3, 2011. As I mentioned in my last post, I have been dating a wonderful “Italia”
Pat,
Thank you for the “honest truth”…if anyone can be straight with me, it’s you! I’m glad you found it entertaining and I hope all is wonderful for you on the west coast! Sending love from Italy!
Lucca,
What a sweet and endearing experience. I love ur Italiano guy.. what better way to learn the “Italian way” from the one u love!!! Keep baking my friend and I bet your Pancakes were yummy too!
Love u Lucca!!❤️😌
Sweet and endearing is right! We still laugh about it, and we are both learning to moderate our reactions. There is no better way than learning direct from the source, and at least I’m in a safe zone here. I’ll keep working on crossing the continental divides, and the stories are just beginning! Love ya back..baci and abbracci to you both!
Oh my goodness, what a priceless story!!! Right down to those precious last three words!! Just wonderful – thank you so much fo sharing. You are such an amazing writer and a beautiful soul. xx
Liberty, you have had your share of cross-Atlantic living, so you know my pain! I’m glad you enjoyed the blog and thank you for your kind words my friend! Beautiful souls connect..so thank you for being one too! We will talk soon. Sending love from Italy to England!
I am sure the carrot cake was heavenly and maybe too sweet for your sweetie pie! I’m sure you were mortified. I can’t wait for his reaction to boiled peanuts! You just keep on introducing that good sugar and maybe you will convert him yet! So glad the others love the cake! Love hearing from you and thanks for sharing. Love you!
You nailed my reaction..mortified was the initial feeling. And then realizing I had more of these beauties to serve! UGH…Last night I did my peanut butter cookies – and I cut the sugar by 1/3…that did the trick. Looking forward to seeing you at Christmas! Love you too and hugs to Dan, Jessie & Michael!
John and I are planning a trip to Poland in September. If I recall correctly, their piernik and tortes can be dry and tasteless compared to those on the US. I also remember that they serve instant coffee in their homes.
Keep writing. I’m touring parts of Italy through your words. ☺
I hope you have a wonderful time in Poland, I’m sure you will enjoy seeing your homeland immensely! I remember my first Black Forest Cake in Germany – and I thought..this tastes like cardboard. Completely different than the versions I had in the past. As far as coffee, the Italians are dead serious about coffee. I don’t think I have ever tasted better coffee than in Italy! Thanks for enjoying the blog and your words of encouragement. XOXO – Luke
Oh my goodness! I’m reading along, enjoying your story (as always) and just as I’ve settled in, I read “…Nobody would eat the damn cake if it tasted like carrots!”, and I thought I was going to choke on my iced tea. Literally laughed until tears rolled down my face. Thank you for sharing. You made my day! 🤣
Carla, I thought you would enjoy this! You know me well enough to imagine my reaction. I’m glad you laughed happy tears and I’m happy to brighten your day (At my expense..LOL). I think I will keep experimenting and see where it leads me in the culinary world. Best to you and Dick. XOXO
Great story Luke. I love reading about your adventures and am so glad you are enjoying life in Italy. Looking forward to the day we can see you again. With Love, Papa
Thank you Dale! It certainly is a daily adventure in cultural learning 🙂 I am enjoying my time here and learning as much about Italy as I am about myself. Looking forward to seeing you again soon! With Love, Luke
So funny and so true. So happy your adventure continues. I really love reading these !
LOL… I love this story! Carrot cake without frosting…never! Now you’ve got me drooling for your delicious cake! This Americano, would definitely like a slice, please! 😉
Luke, I am so enjoying your stories and life! Thanks so much for sharing them and the carrot cake recipe!!
What a gift to see your comments this morning. So happy you are enjoying! And yes, try that carrot cake! Careful it is addictive. My friend Maurine introduced me to a gastric monster 🥕🍰!