I struggled with this title, but let’s be clear “a little Christmas” has a whole bunch of meaning these days:
- A little Christmas spirit? – Certainly!
- A little Christmas magic to dispel the last 10 months of hell the world has faced? – Yes, please!
- A little Christmas cocktail? – Most definitely, and who stops at one these days?
- A little Christmas gathering? – Possibly! But no more than 6 people socially distanced with masks and pre-attendance COVID tests as necessary!
- A little Christmas trip requiring a layover in an airport? – Hell no!
There seems to be no better time than Christmas for the world to stop, breathe and acknowledge the end of a very difficult year. I’m not a religious person by any means, but just like Buddha, Mohammed, Abraham and other spiritual teachers, Jesus Christ deserves his day, and his day is magical across the world.
I have received a number of messages from individuals asking how I’m going to spend the holidays, what are things like in Europe, and in general, how am I doing. I know I have been been relatively quiet the last three weeks.
Thank you for caring. I’m doing ok, but it’s hard watching the world struggle. This last week I saw two of my friends lose somebody they love to COVID. It feels like the enemy is getting nearer as the nights become longer and colder. Despite the hope of receiving a vaccine in the near future, we all must watch and wait.
Like everybody, confinement fatigue against the backdrop of all of the fear in the world is taking its toll on me. I know I’m not alone when I say the holidays are missing something this year. Oh I don’t know…perhaps the people that make it special and provide the magic that surrounds the season!? Yes, that’s what missing.
Quite frankly, I haven’t had this much time on my hands without a distraction in a very very long time. It allows for all kinds of memories to drift in and out of my mind. I feel like I’ve been living my own Charles Dickens story each night when I go to bed with the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future – all showing up to usher me to sleep at night. I find it impossible not to be flooded with nostalgia and sentimental thoughts about Christmases past and wonder about Christmases to be.
All of that would be a bit too much without some comic relief, but of course, life has a way of breaking up the melancholy. The last few weeks when I go to bed with my memories, I also take with me some uninvited house guests that have moved into the ceiling above my bedroom. I’m not sure if they are cats, squirrels, or something unique to the region. So when the ghosts of Christmas aren’t present, those uninvited party-goers are having a blast in the ceiling without me. There have been many nights I could have been somber and sad, but instead, I’m hitting the ceiling with a slipper hoping to quiet them down for a bit.
It appears I need to hire some big guns to deal with whatever is having the “Festa nel mio tetto- Party in my roof.” After Googling “Rodents in the roof in Southwest France” I received this helpful tip:
“It could be a myriad of things; rats, mice, loir, fouine, squirrel, birds or bats (the latter being highly protected and cannot be disturbed). You need to identify what the critter is, the best way is to find some poo -wear gloves- and photograph them. Soft and shiny is fresh, powdery and dull is old stuff. Each animal has different poo!“
So once I make it through Christmas, apparently I need to go on a “poo” photo expedition. Sigh..I guess this is life in the country. Ok, back to my sentimental Christmas journey.
Recently, one of my friends checked in with me and invited me to join a video call with some former coworkers from my health care executive days. I was certainly happy to participate. In our email exchange, she asked how I was doing. I told her that I was undergoing some “deferred emotional maintenance” during this lockdown, but I felt like it was a good thing and probably long overdue.
I have kept myself quite busy these last few months without the need for distraction from the holidays. When I’m on the property hacking down trees, tearing out overgrown things that flowered at one time or another, or taking out Lady Bumblebee for a spin (read all about her here) , I’m not dwelling on a lot of emotions. I started my DIY remodel on the kitchen, and that’s going to keep me busy for another few weeks.
This year, I decided I needed to manufacture a little Christmas spirit. I found a beautiful silver tinsel-tree from Amazon Germany and put that up early in the month. I had not put up a Christmas tree for a few years. It seemed it was time. Now I sit in the salon and reflect quite a bit on that tree. It’s a reminder of all the Christmases that have passed.
I find myself doing an inventory of my favorite holiday memories. This eventually leads to the mental bargaining process. I think about what I would give up today to experience just one of those memories again. I can truly say that I would give up a lot to relive those best experiences again. Of course I can’t do that, but one can imagine, right?
I think it’s only appropriate to share these with you. I want you to know what stands out as memorable and meaningful, and inspires me to keep moving forward despite the long nights and dim days of winter. These are my top holiday memories that have me bargaining in my mind.
The year I received a player piano for Christmas
For several years when I was very young, I played piano. I had lessons on a used and rather shabby upright piano that was purchased for me at an auction. The piano was speckled pale green with yellowed-keys that never really functioned as well as they should. I never complained about the piano because I enjoyed playing it. I thought it was the coolest piano ever.
One year I came home from school for the annual Christmas break and my mother surprised me with a brand-new player piano. It had a red bow on it and was sitting where the old green piano sat. I’m sure this piano cost a small fortune back then but it was the most beautiful thing I had ever received. We were not a wealthy family, so I know there was a sacrifice when my mother made the decision to surprise me with it.
I remember my mother crying as I sat down to play it on Christmas morning. I was still a novice, and I had a limited Christmas repertoire. After a couple of elementary editions of “Silent Night” and “Hark the Herald Angels Sing”, we all decided we should let the piano play itself. (It sounded a lot better than I did back then.) We opened our gifts to the music of the piano playing in the background. It was my best childhood Christmas memory.
The first Christmas Darin and I spent at home in Pennsylvania
After a few years together, I managed to convince Darin that we should leave California and visit Pennsylvania for Christmas. Darin detested cold weather, and I assured him it wouldn’t be too bad. It was still December, and the worst of winter happens in January and February. We packed up our two dogs, pulled together the warmest clothes we could find in our California closets and headed to the east coast.
We arrived a few days before Christmas to gray skies and cold gloomy weather. The sun was nowhere to be found. I remember the trails of mist our exhaled breath left in the air.
Christmas arrived and we to a rarely seen Christmas snow storm. The snow was impressive enough as a memory, but that year my sister bought my brother-in-law a truck for Christmas. She hid it in the garage until Christmas morning. We gathered at the kitchen window and watched all of that thick, beautiful and clustery snow fall while that truck appeared from the garage to the surprise of my brother-in-law. Just then, as if on cue, “White Christmas” came on the radio. There wasn’t a dry eye at the kitchen window that morning.
We played in the snow all day with our nieces, nephews and the dogs, while my brother-in-law played with his new truck. It was the last time our entire family was together for Christmas, before divorces, schedules and loss reduced the seats at the table.
The year I surprised my mother with Rose Bowl Parade tickets.
My mother didn’t have a long list of things on her wish-list, but she always wanted to see the Rose Bowl Parade in person. If you don’t know about the event, it’s only second to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade–and happens every year in Pasadena, California on New Years Day just before the annual college football Rose Bowl game begins.
Her and my father were visiting California that year, and I was so excited that I was able to find three tickets for us to attend the parade and sit in a special viewing section. When she opened up the tickets on Christmas morning, again, she teared up. I think she forgot that in the midst of all of her Christmas giving over the years, that people were also thinking about her. It was the first time I felt I could return the magic of giving something back to someone who gave me so much.
The year Darin turned 50 in Las Vegas.
I will always remember Las Vegas at Christmas time, for it is even more impressive with lights and pageantry, than any other time of the year. Throughout our 23-years together, Darin and I had a love affair with Las Vegas. So much so, Darin decided he wanted to celebrate his 50th birthday there. It just so happened Darin’s birthday was the day after Christmas.
That Christmas in particular was an amazing one. The anticipation of surprising Darin was just as exciting for me, as it ultimately was for him. I remember the look on his face when we ushered him to the private airport terminal for our flight. He had no idea of the plans I had made to mark his 50th.
Over 30 of our friends shortened their Christmas holiday to join us in Las Vegas for that special event. It’s a memory that makes me most grateful. It was the best gift I ever gave to someone who deserved so much more than that.
A little Christmas gift to you
So my gift to you this year is this. I’m giving you my memories. I hope they give you the spirit to do your own inventory of memories. The point isn’t to be sad about not being able to relive these memories again, but to be grateful that we had them in the first place. I also hope they inspire you to continue to create, imagine and believe.
When all of this chaos is behind us, we all have the choice to go on and create magical memories again. I know we carry the bruises and weariness from the fight, but we can do this. We must do this!
In the meantime, as the song says, “Have yourself a merry LITTLE Christmas.”
Thank you for being a part of my 2020. I think I speak for all of us, when I say – 2020 GTFO! It’s time to start again and rebuild after so much has been lost this year. Christmas time is the best time for us to begin that process. I would love to hear about your favorite Christmas memories in the comments. I think it will inspire me to continue to dream big and never stop believing in the magic of Christmas. Be well my friends. I hope you enjoy the holidays that you celebrate this season. I’m sending my love to you!
Merry Christmas Lou. Thank you for sharing your precious Christmas Memories and reminding us to treasure old memories and make new ones. – Viji R
Thank you, Vijus! What a gift to see your comment..I wish you the most wonderful holiday season and a happy new year! Let’s keep making those memories. 2021 is going to be awesome!
Another astonishing post – on every level. The openness, the positivity – despite everything – and the eloquence, those words and images you conjure for us. What a tribute to you, and to Darin, sending much love xx
Christine….How nice to read your response. I would do anything to be sipping a rosé in Paris with you to celebrate the holidays! However, we must wait. Darn! Thank you for your beautiful kindness..always! 💗 Have a beautiful day tomorrow..and à bientôt!
This is my favorite so far. I am very nostalgic this year as well. May your memories continue to find you peace and joy.
Melissa..mia cugina! I’m glad you liked this one..and yes dear, we have so many memories to be thankful for and nostalgic. I am so proud of the life you have created for yourself and the children. Sending love, peace and joy to you!
Talk about not a dry eye in the house! Loved your memories, they made me appreciate my own, especially our first house in really rural NY state with similar noise in roof. Mice! No fun for a UK city girl. It has been a rough year, your writing has been a light so thank you and Merry Christmas and Happy New year to you. 💗
Oh Jayne..I hope you had some happy tears..I know I did (and am still receiving the benefits). I can just see a UK city girl fending off mice in New York..that makes me smile. Although, those mice did not stand a chance against you!! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too!💗
Dearest Luke: The gift of your cherished memories is a wonderful gift for me (and likely everyone who reads this) – thank you again for opening up your heart and sharing with us. Yes, it’s a little Christmas for us this year and I am noticing that I get more rest (luckily we don’t have rodents in our roof – yikes!) and have much less on my to dos. So I continue to walk and reflect. I am holding you in my heart and sending you warm holiday wishes and memories. Lots of love, Bowlsie
Cara, Debra! 🙂 Thank you for being a part of all of those wonderful memories. We have so many together and they warm my heart on a day like today. And yes..you are lucky you have only the loving family under your roof! I’m so anxious to figure out what Santa left me when I return home and the exterminator shows up!
I too, am holding you in my heart and thank you for your beautiful words! 💗.
Merry Christmas Lou. Thanks for your ongoing contributions to all of us stuck at home (all of us). Your memories are fabulous. I will take inventory of my own … but I’m thinking I might end up stealing yours. Enjoy your Holidays. There are a lot of people sending warm thoughts your way. Cheers! P.S. I’d hope for the bat. You’ll know what it is, yet you won’t have to do anything about it.
Thank you John. Feel free to steal at will…memories are meant to be shared 🙂 I’m always content to see when I can make a difference and I feel all of those great warm thoughts coming my way. Best to you..and I’m hoping for a bat!! Merry Christmas!
Thank-you Luke for, once again, reaching in and warming my heart on this cold and dark night. The length and darkness of the nights make your light all the more bright. Thanks for sharing these beautiful memories. I’m about to go to bed and will do a little memory sharing with myself. Merry Christmas dear Luke!
Thank you Pat. I’m happy that my story gave your heart a warm boost. I always like to see my writing do something good. I hope this Christmas you are surrounded by love and warm memories as well! Merry Christmas to you my dear friend!!
Love your Christmas post. I also had time to remember all my great Christmas Eve memories of putting up the tree and cooking all day. It has been 17 years that I loss my husband and sometimes it feels like yesterday. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Anita, thank you for your kind words and I appreciate you sharing your story. I so dearly miss the houseful of people on Christmas, the “feast of the seven fishes” that we would have on Christmas Eve – and those amazing stories my grandparents would tell. As we got older, those traditions became memories – but they remain always in my heart.
I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s passing. Even after 17 years, I’m sure every Christmas there is that feeling of what is missing.
Today happens to be my late husband’s birthday. When i awoke this morning to a clear and crisp December 26th, I immediately thought how can I change what my heart wants to feel today. So I thanked Darin for being a gift to me all of those years…born on this day in 1962. I reflected a bit on the pain – because the greater the memory the deeper the cut of loss. I guess that pain is a sign of how wonderful our time together was. Today I’m going to try to focus on gratefulness..but damn that’s hard sometimes!
Sending a big hug to you and warmest wishes for a 2021 that is full of light, love and the chance for new memories to be made! – Luke
Thinking of you all weekend wondering how you are spending this fragile time. Here for you always.
Dearest Lou,
Reading your posts and sharing in your thoughts, reflections and memories reminds me (as always) that we are not alone in this seemingly unending year. While I know that life as we know it will get back to some level of normalace in the future, I continue to feel connected to others I either presently know or have known in the past through posts such as this.
Know that there are those who take comfort from your sage words of wisdom and that we (I in particular) look forward to your continued adventures around Italy when the world is finally able to travel around again.
Happy holidays and hoping you have a joyous New Year.
Carrie Rasmussen
Carrie,
Thank you for your kind words. I’m happy that we remain connected, and yes, we are never alone. 2020 was an “all-skate” kind of year. It reminded me of roller skating in the 80s..there were intervals of music played as we bobbled around the rink. Sometimes the DJ would call “couples only skates” or “singles only skates” and then there were the everybody into the pool “all skates”. Nobody was spared the opportunity to have some despair this year. I think 2021 will be a year to live, travel, and go all-in!
Happy New Year to you..and thank you for always being a supporter of my writing.
Best,
Luke
I’m ready for this waiting game to end. I try to not harp on the negative and sucky parts, being isolated as had some advantages, reacquainting myself with who I am today and reconnecting with parts of me I’ve neglected, which is fine but it’s starting to drag on a bit too long and I long to get out there and meet new people and live without the looming doom and gloom of the pandemic!
Thank you for sharing some of your precious Christmas memories. They are such beautiful memories to look back on and there will be more to come, this year turned out to be a year of reflection and a year of remembering just how priceless certain things are.
Sending you lots of love and positive energy for the New Year.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Luke!
I have a favorite memory, though imprecise, of a Christmas in my very early 20’s (like 21 or 22) spent with my friend Colleen. It was the first time I was spending it away from my family as an ‘adult’. She loved Christmas and decorated her own little apartment, then arranged a small party for just she and her friends, me included. I was impressed with her tree and all the individual gifts she had planned for everyone, despite not having a lot of money.
Thanks for sharing your memories – it encourages me to make more of an effort to make more of my own.
I too look forward to traveling in the future.
Thank you for your wonderful missives!
Julie.
Julie,
Thank you for sharing that wonderful memory. That first “grownup” Christmas memory away from the family is a good one! What a wonderful friend Colleen was at the time to think of everyone. No matter how big or small…thinking of others is what it’s all about. I don’t typically make resolutions each year, however I think this year will be different for me. I want to have that spirit of Colleen’s generosity all the time. The world needs as many Colleens (and Julies) we can find!
Happy New Year to you and Kent. And thank you for your continued kind words and support. Best to you!! ❤️
Luke