“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”
Theodore Roosevelt
My first post of 2019 started on an Air France flight traveling from the United States to Italia. It’s ironic that as I begin my last post of the year, I am sitting on an Air France flight from Italia bound for the US. After 11 months, I’m returning to spend Christmas with my family. I anticipated this day and imagined I would feel a dozen different ways, but mostly, my heart is full. I believe it has been a great year.
My emotions are heavy, and the woman next to me on the plane senses that. If it were not for my desire to be introspective, I would be more open to a conversation with her. I smile at her to let her know I’m ok, just deep in thought. She smiles back unconvincingly, and now I’m thinking maybe I’m not that ok.
The honest answer is that I really don’t know. It’s something I have been contemplating a lot lately as I do my own personal inventory on my first year in Italia. I believe I’m ok, but are the choices and decisions that led me here absolutely the best? Did I skip a grief-step along the way? Am I the only person who worries about this?
I imagine others overcoming grief question the same things. I’d like to know that we will all be ok eventually, but knowing and believing are two different things. Proof comes to me when I look back and see what has happened good in my life because of the choices I made this past year; how much happiness I created for myself and others, how much love did I share, what challenges did I accept, and ultimately what about the memories? I believe this is where the answer to knowing is found.
Not all of 2019 is full of great memories, some were painful. Overall, I have had more than my fair share of good. It’s good enough to believe it has been a great year.
When I first moved into my apartment in the piazza (read about that here), and my sister and I were shopping for furnishings, I found a bulletin board map of Italia. I bought it knowing exactly what I would do with it–create a memory board and post my favorite memories of Italy. This board is now a tool I use to remind myself to believe I am making the right choices when doubt enters into my mind.
I thought I would share with you some of the memories of last year that are rooted in my board and perhaps it may inspire you to create your own way of believing you’re ok, when knowing it is out of reach.
February-April: Roma
This was my personal “spring awakening” period. My focus upon arriving in Italia was to get my feet underneath me with language and culture, while coping with the impact of change. Navigating through the streets of Roma helped me keep my focus forward and resist the urge to shut down and go within myself. I met new friends at language school and experienced life as “uno straniero” a foreigner.
April-June: Roma and Torino
I am grateful to my friend Maurine for suggesting a visit to Torino. She spoke about her fondness for the food, wine and architecture of the region. Later I would find my own fondness for the Piemontese, and one particular certain person, the “italiano.” He introduced me to places and adventures of the north and see that part of Italia through the eyes of a local.
In June I made Torino my new home and landed in the middle of what felt more like Central Europe than Italia. I also landed square into the life of the italiano, who has become such a source of happiness for me this year. I’m not sure how I could have made it through this year without him and his many friends that carried me on their shoulders while I became indoctrinated into my “vita italiana” (my Italian life).
July: Molise and Toscana
July also brought me back to Colli Al Volturno in Molise, where the roots of my citizenship started the year before. I was able to reconnect with my adopted Molisean family and cement my italiano citizenship for good. Molise offers kind people, amazing food and beautiful scenery that many italiani seldom ever experience.
I also got to visit Toscana to spend time with friends from the past, and new friends created along the way. Both experiences reminded me that life’s footprint was growing, and I was growing with it.
August: Sicilia and Matera
The warmth of late summer surrounded me with the tranquil blue waters off Le Isole Eolie. The italiano and I spent time exploring all seven islands off the coast of Sicilia. It helped me understand the regional differences that exist throughout Italia in the people, their customs and language.
When we returned to the mainland, we took our time driving back to Torino and stopped in beautiful Matera, Basilicata. This city was named the European Capital of Culture in 2019. The stories buried deep into its cliff carved buildings brought both joy and sadness. It was one my most memorable experiences of the year. You can read more about the story of Matera here. Italia has many unique places to visit within her borders. Matera is one you should not miss.
October-November: Torino, Lugano, and the Mediterraneo
Fall charged in with plenty of rain, cold temperatures and heart-warming visitors from the US. I was able to show “my Torino” to Rick and Dave, visit with Joe in Roma, and spend a fantastic month with my lion-hearted sister. They brought light into what was a literal and figuratively dark period of the year. I was so grateful for those visits from friends and family. They reenergized my spirit and determination.
December: Christmas in Italia
As the year wrapped and I prepared to leave for the holidays, the italiano surprised me with some of the best holiday gifts–unforgettable memories of my first Christmas in Italia. From Roma to Milano and back to Torino it was magic. The images tell the story.
And now…
I remember writing earlier in the year about the theory that pain from loss never diminishes, but your life around it grows so that it occupies a smaller space. I have come to believe this now with the help of family, friends and the memories of this last year. Although my life has forever changed, I know that Darin is there helping me create a larger life to allow good to flow back in again.
My closing advice to you if you are facing your own challenges in believing is this. Don’t stay within yourself too long. Take the team need, then open the door to every opportunity that aligns with who you want to be no matter how scary it may seem, or how impossible the challenge appears. If you need advice, take it from those that love you unconditionally and are willing to go into battle with you, not those that will limit you. You know who they are.
Through my blog I have had the opportunity to connect with many strangers who I can now call friends. To the people in 60 countries and six continents that have found my blog in 2019, I thank you. To those that have shared words of encouragement or their own personal stories of loss, I am forever grateful to have you in my life. I hope that all of us can look back on 2020 and say, “I believe it has been a great year!”
Buon anno and auguri dall’Italia!
Luke
