“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”
Theodore Roosevelt
My first post of 2019 started on an Air France flight traveling from the United States to Italia. It’s ironic that as I begin my last post of the year, I am sitting on an Air France flight from Italia bound for the US. After 11 months, I’m returning to spend Christmas with my family. I anticipated this day and imagined I would feel a dozen different ways, but mostly, my heart is full. I believe it has been a great year.
My emotions are heavy, and the woman next to me on the plane senses that. If it were not for my desire to be introspective, I would be more open to a conversation with her. I smile at her to let her know I’m ok, just deep in thought. She smiles back unconvincingly, and now I’m thinking maybe I’m not that ok.
The honest answer is that I really don’t know. It’s something I have been contemplating a lot lately as I do my own personal inventory on my first year in Italia. I believe I’m ok, but are the choices and decisions that led me here absolutely the best? Did I skip a grief-step along the way? Am I the only person who worries about this?
I imagine others overcoming grief question the same things. I’d like to know that we will all be ok eventually, but knowing and believing are two different things. Proof comes to me when I look back and see what has happened good in my life because of the choices I made this past year; how much happiness I created for myself and others, how much love did I share, what challenges did I accept, and ultimately what about the memories? I believe this is where the answer to knowing is found.
Not all of 2019 is full of great memories, some were painful. Overall, I have had more than my fair share of good. It’s good enough to believe it has been a great year.
When I first moved into my apartment in the piazza (read about that here), and my sister and I were shopping for furnishings, I found a bulletin board map of Italia. I bought it knowing exactly what I would do with it–create a memory board and post my favorite memories of Italy. This board is now a tool I use to remind myself to believe I am making the right choices when doubt enters into my mind.
I thought I would share with you some of the memories of last year that are rooted in my board and perhaps it may inspire you to create your own way of believing you’re ok, when knowing it is out of reach.
February-April: Roma
This was my personal “spring awakening” period. My focus upon arriving in Italia was to get my feet underneath me with language and culture, while coping with the impact of change. Navigating through the streets of Roma helped me keep my focus forward and resist the urge to shut down and go within myself. I met new friends at language school and experienced life as “uno straniero” a foreigner.
Fontana di Trevi 
Altare della Patria, Roma 
Le Suore di Roma 
My first classmates learning Italiano.
April-June: Roma and Torino
I am grateful to my friend Maurine for suggesting a visit to Torino. She spoke about her fondness for the food, wine and architecture of the region. Later I would find my own fondness for the Piemontese, and one particular certain person, the “italiano.” He introduced me to places and adventures of the north and see that part of Italia through the eyes of a local.
Bologna, Emilia-Romagna 
Villa del Balbianello, Lago di Como 
Varenna, Lago di Como
In June I made Torino my new home and landed in the middle of what felt more like Central Europe than Italia. I also landed square into the life of the italiano, who has become such a source of happiness for me this year. I’m not sure how I could have made it through this year without him and his many friends that carried me on their shoulders while I became indoctrinated into my “vita italiana” (my Italian life).
Mole Antonelliana, Torino 
Evening walk in Piazza San Carlo, Torino 
A surprise citizenship celebration
July: Molise and Toscana
July also brought me back to Colli Al Volturno in Molise, where the roots of my citizenship started the year before. I was able to reconnect with my adopted Molisean family and cement my italiano citizenship for good. Molise offers kind people, amazing food and beautiful scenery that many italiani seldom ever experience.
I also got to visit Toscana to spend time with friends from the past, and new friends created along the way. Both experiences reminded me that life’s footprint was growing, and I was growing with it.
Colli Al Volturno, Molise 
Mama Gina in Colli Al Volturno still makes the best ravioli 
Gelato with friends in San Gimignano, Toscana
August: Sicilia and Matera
The warmth of late summer surrounded me with the tranquil blue waters off Le Isole Eolie. The italiano and I spent time exploring all seven islands off the coast of Sicilia. It helped me understand the regional differences that exist throughout Italia in the people, their customs and language.
Panarea, Sicilia 
The harbor of Lipari, Sicilia 
A view from the cemetery, Lipari, Sicilia.
When we returned to the mainland, we took our time driving back to Torino and stopped in beautiful Matera, Basilicata. This city was named the European Capital of Culture in 2019. The stories buried deep into its cliff carved buildings brought both joy and sadness. It was one my most memorable experiences of the year. You can read more about the story of Matera here. Italia has many unique places to visit within her borders. Matera is one you should not miss.
The beautiful but haunting view of Matera, Basilicata 
Matera, Basilicata, Italia
October-November: Torino, Lugano, and the Mediterraneo
Fall charged in with plenty of rain, cold temperatures and heart-warming visitors from the US. I was able to show “my Torino” to Rick and Dave, visit with Joe in Roma, and spend a fantastic month with my lion-hearted sister. They brought light into what was a literal and figuratively dark period of the year. I was so grateful for those visits from friends and family. They reenergized my spirit and determination.
December: Christmas in Italia
As the year wrapped and I prepared to leave for the holidays, the italiano surprised me with some of the best holiday gifts–unforgettable memories of my first Christmas in Italia. From Roma to Milano and back to Torino it was magic. The images tell the story.
La Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II, Milano 
The tree in Piazza San Carlo, Torino
And now…
I remember writing earlier in the year about the theory that pain from loss never diminishes, but your life around it grows so that it occupies a smaller space. I have come to believe this now with the help of family, friends and the memories of this last year. Although my life has forever changed, I know that Darin is there helping me create a larger life to allow good to flow back in again.
My closing advice to you if you are facing your own challenges in believing is this. Don’t stay within yourself too long. Take the team need, then open the door to every opportunity that aligns with who you want to be no matter how scary it may seem, or how impossible the challenge appears. If you need advice, take it from those that love you unconditionally and are willing to go into battle with you, not those that will limit you. You know who they are.
Through my blog I have had the opportunity to connect with many strangers who I can now call friends. To the people in 60 countries and six continents that have found my blog in 2019, I thank you. To those that have shared words of encouragement or their own personal stories of loss, I am forever grateful to have you in my life. I hope that all of us can look back on 2020 and say, “I believe it has been a great year!”
Buon anno and auguri dall’Italia!
Luke
What a wonderful journey for you to share. Wishing you a great 2020 and further adventures.
Salim
Thank you Salim! I hope all is wonderful for you in California – and that you too will have a fantastic 2020! Thanks for your wonderful comments!
Boy, nothing much happened this year! Lol. ❤️❤️
It has been a full year. Putting myself out there, being open and allowing vulnerability and saying “yes” when that little but mighty part of you wants to say “no.” That has been the best medicine. I never would have imagined 2019’s path, but I’m going to keep rolling with it! Sending ❤️❤️ back atcha!
Luke Great summary of a monumental year. You’ve set yourself up for a even better 2020; good luck on your journey and keep us all updated. Mike
Thank you for your comments, Mike. I believe 2020 will be just as exciting..and who knows where it will lead. Wishing you and your family a fantastic 2020 as well!
Sorry, one more: the laurel was priceless.
You knew there was going to be a tiara of leaves somewhere among the memories! The bay laurel wreath is a tradition for graduates in Italy, almost like a cap/gown for American university students. It marked my own completion of sorts!
Lucca,
Beautiful journey, pics and you my friend!.. I loved the Teddy R quote and I have some more words of wisdom from him– The Man and the Arena–Read it when you can…I am sure you already know it quite well… you my friend are the Man in the Arena…..its all about the process and the journey…. Keep up the grand work.. you are a courageous and beautiful man inside and out. We are all lucky to call you a friend….
We send our love to you from the US of A…..
Thank you!! It was a sobering wake-up call from my questioning soul…and yes, the Teddy R. quote was introduced to me this year after following Brene Brown. I like her modified version as well, something like, “if you’re going to go into life’s arena..you’re going to get your ass-kicked every once in a while, but it’s worth it.” Thank you for all of that love and support. Love you two dearly and you are beautiful friends forever! You two better get over here soon. Abbiamo bisogno a fare ricordi insieme! ❤️❤️
Visit may be in order for sure.i learned of the Teddy R quote from Brene Brown too. I love listening to her because she can kick your ass with life insights and u can laugh and cry and that same time since she is so damn funny!
Love u man and hi to the Italiano!❤️👏
Always enjoy reading about your adventures! The journey is always challenging and there will always be rough spots but to balance, and there must be balance, you get those high moments as you’ve experienced over 2019. I’m grateful to have met you and hope to hang with you again and often in the future. All the best for 2020 and beyond!
Tony, thank you for your encouraging words. I wish you all the best in 2020, and expect you will have an incredible year of cooking and travel adventures. I am very grateful to have met you in Roma..and I always enjoy reading about your kitchen creations! Between your cooking and my Italian life..we need to swap stories more often. I could learn from your bread-baking passion! Best to you!
What an amazing journey and year you have had. I loved “The pain from loss never diminished but your life around it grows so that it occupies a smaller place” and it truly resinates with me. I know 2020 will continue to enrich your journey and further help with the healing. Someone once said “if you don’t have a few scars you haven’t lived” and I rather live than exist and that’s exactly what you are doing. I admire your courage.
Just what you needed! A year of discovery and self-reflection. Now you take the lessons of 2019 and put into play! No doubt 2020 will be a fabulous year for you. I’m proud of you and your strength. Love you, L
Thank you, Linda!! Yes..lots of discovery and self-reflection. It’s a lot to carry forward into an even better 2020! Here’s to both of us having a great 2020..sending love and warm wishes! Thank you again for your kind words. I get my strength from the best!
I am just finding your blog and am loving it, as you are loving life. The universe gives and takes on the people front and we must cherish and learn from each person in our lives. I am excited to keep following you as we too will be making a pilgrimage to Italy soon. Toni
Toni, what a great note to see tonight! Thank you for finding me and taking the time to write such a kind comment. The Universe does give and take..and sometimes it’s hard to see the balance – but I’m trying. Please keep me updated on your pilgrimage – I’ll be happy to provide any insight I can. Best of you and let’s stay in touch!
Wow….reading back through your journey, one could easily mistaken it for a decade of experiences! Regarding your point about 2019 having it’s mixture of circumstances and outcomes/emotions (paraphrasing), I truly appreciated your comment about “life growing around them and making them somehow smaller”. That is a very simple, but profound statement….and so true – one that is great advice for any of us.
Thanks again for sharing Luke – so glad you’re doing well and that life is aligning you with happiness and contentment. Have a wonderful 2020 my friend.
Btw – Cristina says “hello”.
Hey there Paul!
Thanks for checking in and commenting. I am truly blessed with experiences this year and can’t help but think about the power of saying “yes”…even when your head says “maybe not”. I know that all of those mixed emotions are part of the process, but I think they can stop someone in their tracks. I know there’s a part of me that wants to analyze the heck out of those emotions and try to fix them, but now I’m just trying to feel them. Pema Chödrön has been a great source of information for dealing with my current state of thoughts/emotions. And with her readings, I am attempting to understand my reaction to them, but not let them become barriers to saying “yes.”
The “life growing around you part” is something I explored by Dr. Lois Tonkin http://www.loistonkin.com Her model of Growing Around Grief, was very helpful and it reminds me daily of the need to grow bigger instead of smaller. It’s just one of many models, but when you are searching for happiness again, it resounded with me more than most. Thank you again for your comment, and I look forward to staying connected! Please pass on my warmest regards to Cristina. I hope you and the entire family are well and wishing you a fantastic 2020!
ciao Lucia
what an encouraging perspective to grow around your pain when pain can be paralyzing . to have faith
your life CAN still be beautiful and you can laugh fully again.
what lies behind us and what lies before us are but tiny matters compared to what lies within us. Emerson
la mia biznonna Sofia Lombardi ha detto ” puoi misurare la vita dal tuo dolore ma e’ piu saggio misurare con
le tue gioie .
molto gioia !! Gina
darn auto spell **Lucca
Non preoccuparti 🤗