“Satisfaction is not always the fulfillment of what you want; it is the realization of how blessed you are for what you have.”
Ritu Ghatourey
Once again I’m writing from a seat on the high-speed train heading from Roma to Torino. I left Torino on Monday as an expatriate living in Italia, and now I’m returning as a full-fledged Italiano with the ability to seamlessly live between two of the most beautiful places in the world, the United States of America and the Repubblica Italiana, in the Unione Europea.
The train from Roma is full. It’s summer in Italy, so there are many tourists heading north to Firenze and Milano. It’s easy to spot the fellow Americans, the men spilling into the aisle being overtly friendly with everyone and the women with their French-manicured toes sticking out of bejeweled sandals.
I traveled to Roma on Monday and drove to the Italian province of Molise, about 80 miles outside the city. I had to negotiate driving a rental car out of central Roma, avoid dozens of near miss accidents, and do everything possible to keep my driving anxiety from descending into sheer terror. I felt like my vital organs had relocated to all different parts of my body out of fear, and then they settled once I entered the autostrada and departed from the chaos. Driving in Roma is a battle scar to be proud of or stupidity at its best.
The story of how I ended up in Molise in the first place is worth telling, as is the need to recognize the people that made this journey possible 150 years ago, Michele Arcangelo Lombardo and Angela Teresa Russo, my great grandparents.
A little over three-years ago when life was calm in California and undisrupted by cancer, I started researching my genealogy. Despite my abundant life, I wasn’t satisfied. I was anxious to start something that would hold my interest in my spare time, and I had a lot of spare time. I decided to take on the family historian role, since the storytellers and historians of my Italian family had long passed on or ceased remembering.
Nine months into my research I realized I might be eligible to reclaim my Italian citizenship after my great-grandfather immigrated in the 1890s. As it turned out, my great grandfather never became a United States citizen after he immigrated, and never renounced his Italian citizenship. Every descendant of his technically was already an Italian citizen, all they had to do was prove their bloodline.
As I said earlier, at this point in my life I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted something different. I think Darin did as well. It took a lot of effort to convince him that this move could be the “something different” we needed. I only say that, because it was a big leap for him to finally lean-in to the idea of life in Europe. His willingness meant everything to me. He trusted me despite the unknown impact this would have on him. This adventure was born from our desire to live a simpler and more satisfying life, and at some level, recommit to being satisfied with each other.
Darin and I started to plan our exploration trip to Italia for early 2017. For some reason, we couldn’t commit to landing on a date and buying the airline tickets. In early 2017 it became clear that something wasn’t right with Darin’s health. In hindsight, I think the Divine prevented what would have been an even more painful situation in the long-term for me. It would have been exceptionally difficult for me to have a future life in Italia, because I would have experienced Darin’s joy and excitement in planning for our adventure, only to have it taken away upon finding out his prognosis.
As difficult as it is to say, I believe my solo journey was destiny. It feels brutal because it reminds me of the battle he underwent that final year from March 2017 until March 2018. I can cope with many things in life, but I would give anything to change those 12 months of time. It is the one thing that undermines my attempt at believing life will be ok. I still have not found peace with the pain and the suffering Darin faced. I only say this to let others know it is a daily battle wrestling with those memories. Despite my daily attempts to pursue happiness, those horrible memories still occupy a great space in my head and are always ready to pounce during any moment of melancholy. Even now as I write on the train, those terrible tenants of my mind are screaming for more attention, but I must push them back and continue with my story.
My great grandparents were from two small villages, Statigliano and Baia e Latina, in the Campania region of Italy. I often imagined stories in my mind about how they met. Perhaps it was at a village festival or a family social event. In all likelihood, their marriage may have been arranged to give my great grandmother, a child at the time, the opportunity for a better life. When they married, she was 14 and he was 29. During the first wave of immigration, life was dire in Southern Italia, and the opportunity in the United States represented survival. The number of Italiani that immigrated to the United States between 1880-1924 was estimated to be over 4 million, or more than 10% of the country’s population at that time.
Italian citizenship law makes it much easier when you are a blood-descendant. I did not need to wait years for my citizenship, I just needed to show up to a town that was willing to take my application. My sister and I found a village willing to handle our citizenship application in the region of Molise.
When we first arrived last October for our application, we were introduced to this beautiful area of Italia, with its dazzling landscape of fertile valleys and soaring mountains. The people were kind with an attitude of self-reliance and generous hospitality. It is one of the least frequently visited regions, but it seemed anxious for the attention.
Once we completed the process, we simply had to wait while our applications were reviewed. We both returned home, my sister to her life in Florida with her family, and I to what was left of my life in California and my pending departure for Europe.
Last month I received final confirmation that my application had been approved, and citizenship granted. I would have to return to Molise to complete the process. Obviously, I was thrilled with this news, but when I tried to explain to my new friends here what it meant to me to be Italiano, I don’t think many of them got it. Many questioned why I would trade a life in the United States for a life here in Italia. I tried to explain that nowhere else but in the United States is the identity with your ancestral homeland so strong. I lived my entire life identifying as an Italian-American, just as others are Polish-American, Asian-American or African-American. We were blessed with this unique diversity and pride in where our ancestors called home.
Three years of effort, countless twists and turns to life, and almost 150 years later, the first descendant of Michele Arcangelo Lombardo has returned to Italia. That makes me happy, but it doesn’t necessarily assuage the bitterness of loss and the feeling of being unsatisfied with how I got here. I have been asking for guidance and peace of mind throughout this final step of my citizenship, and I think this morning it may have been delivered.
I awoke early and meditated for the first time in several days. I knew there was a message waiting for me. The message appeared early and clearly. It said, “You need to be satisfied with this part of the journey. Well done. Now enjoy it.”
Over the last year when I meditated, I have often been shown an image of myself in a boat, just floating with the current. This morning the image was different. It was simply an empty rowboat, docked in a small port along with many others. I understood it perfectly. Perhaps I am done looking for satisfaction. Perhaps I am home. What’s next?
I want to thanks the readers in 46 countries representing six continents. Welcome Estonia, Tunisia, and Montenegro! You can enter your email and receive updates when I post. For more information on the Italian migration to the United States, I found this great article at the US Library of Congress: https://www.loc.gov/teachers/classroommaterials/presentationsandactivities/presentations/immigration/italian3.html
Happy for you! I met someone recently who told me their grandparents were Italian after I asked him about his last name. I explained how lucky he was and he didn’t seem to understand. I missed out on the chance to claim my French citizenship because of ignorance on my part. Like my new friend, I didn’t understand the significance of it all until it was too late. Now things have to be done a little differently but it’ll all be worth it in the end. 20 months and counting!
It is funny how people see their ancestry all around the world. How lucky are we that we hold on to those bonds so tightly and never lose our connection. You will be surprised at how quickly those 20 months go..and in the meantime, get ready for an amazing adventure!
Hello! I found your blog via the Dual US/Italian Citizenship FB page. My husband is in the process of getting his citizenship also. I just wanted to say how much your story inspires me. Good for you for continuing to seek out the divine and thank you for sharing your journey with perfect strangers! Maybe we will meet in Italy in the not too distant future. In the meantime, I will be following along with your adventure from our home in Austin, TX. 🙂
Maris, so glad you found me! How exciting for your and your husband! I wish him the best on the journey. I am so pleased you found my writing inspirational..I hope to tell my story I a way that helps others in similar situations, or just those that need to take a leap of faith. When (not if)..you get to Italy..please feel free to connect with me and have a wonderful summer in beautiful Austin, Texas! All the best to you!
Awesome story. Keep writing.
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Thank you, Christi. I hope all is well for you on the West Coast. I do plan to keep up the writing! Enjoy the summer and thanks for all the support!
Hi Lou, I have been unaware of your personal challenge and so glad you are in a happy space now! My Dad and his Mum and Dad also migrated from Italy after WW1. Their town was Faedis in the NE north of Venice. Grand dad lost his 2 brothers during the war and decided life would be better in Australia. Anyway, I always thought a lot of you and wanted to wish you the best for your next phase. Enjoy! Have fun! Cheers!
Hello Garry! I hope all is well! I think I’m in my happy space..I’ll take it! I think of you often as well – and I hope you are doing fantastic. The immigration stories are so rich with history and perseverance – perhaps you will come visit one day! I wish you the best and stay in touch. Thanks for taking the time to say hello!
Luke
I so look forward to your musings and missives. Thank you so much for sharing this part of yourself. Your journey reminds me of a quote from Hellen Keller – Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.
Kent, thank you so much for your note. My musings and missives are plenty here, but life is amazing. I adore that quote..either your scared shitless or you’re probably not living fully! At least that’s how I translate it LOL…sending the best to you and Julie!
What a wonderful way to start my day – with a good dose of Luke! Your spirit soars, dear friend, and inspires me. Thanks for all you do to lift so many hearts ♥️
Pat! Buongiorno to you! I’m so happy to give you a good dose of Luke to start your day! Your comments make me soar so thank you for that. I always channel you when I’m feeling stuck and need a good reminder of all that is wonderful in the world. You my friend, are wonderful! Thank you for being exactly who you are! Sending love to you!
My heart is exploding with joy for you! It’s uncanny how somewhat parallel our lives are and the circumstances that brought us here. I declared my citizenship after realizing I was technically an Italian citizen at birth as my dad didn’t become a Canadian citizen until a year after I was born. And essentially it was my search for happiness after the loss of my dad to cancer that brought me here. I am so glad you have chosen to share your story with this blog!
Lulu, so good to see you in my comment stream this morning. I feel like we are kindred souls bound to cross paths here in Italy soon! I appreciate your beautiful photos and the way you are reinventing yourself. The search for happiness is in itself an amazing journey and one that I hope we both look back on with satisfaction that we did what we needed to do to heal. Thank you for your perpetual kindness and I look forward to following your adventures and keeping you posted on mine! Sending hugs from the north!
Luke,
Congrats on your journey for your heritage. I so wish I had the guts to make a bold move like you did. Well done!
Sue! What a treat to read your comment this morning. Thank you for your warm thoughts and don’t underestimate your courage. You never know what it can achieve! Wishing you a wonderful week! Best to you!
Beautiful story as always. Thanks for allowing me to share your journey. Can’t wait to join you in our ancestral homeland. ❤️🇮🇹
Thank you sis for being part of it. When you arrive..you will feel at home!! 🇮🇹😘🤗
Another beautiful and inspirational reflection. Thank you for sharing your gift.
Thank you! It was one of those surreal moments leaving that little village in the hills knowing this part of the journey is “finito” but the rest remains unknown..which I guess is how all of our journeys work! Oh the wonderful bliss of the unknown. 🤗😘
Lou
What a wonderful adventure you’ve undertaken. Congrats and enjoy and I look forward to following you. Let me know if you make it to DC. I’d enjoy connecting.
Tom
Tom, It is so good to see your comment. I think about you often and am forever grateful for all of the things we had a chance to work on together. Life has been definitely an adventure, and this latest is a good one! I’ll take it! If I get to DC, I’ll definitely look you up. Send my regards to the family – and thanks for staying connected.
Lou just read your recent post for the first time. I am so glad that you have been able to go deep into your ancestry and enjoy life after what had to be a very hard time. Thanks to you for sharing your experiences as you live and travel through Italia. I love visiting there as each locale is unique, beautiful, and the locals are wonderful. I hope your life in Italia continues to be wonderful so just keep enjoying the ride. Take care
Juan Davila
Juan, what a great surprise to see you in my comments! Thanks for taking the time to reach out. Diving into the past discovering my family ties has been an incredible experience and it ended up being a balm for the soul. You are right, every corner of Italy has its own people, culture, and stories to tell. It never ceases to amaze me how much is packed into this country and how you can change your entire surroundings with a simple train ride. I think life will continue to be wonderful with so much to stimulate the mind, body and spirit! Wishing you the best, and thanks for following The Spaghetti Diaries.
It’s so great to read your blog again. I’m sorry to hear the pain you are still going through although I can imagine it will take a long time to make peace with it. Hopefully Italy will be a steady healing process like it has for many of us.
Thank you Kristie! Pain is inevitable in this, but how we deal with it I think is the key choice. I was talking to a friend of mine recently who suffered similar loss, and we talked about those days you just have to push through it and find something wonderful about today. That’s where I have to put my focus, and recognizing every step in the journey ultimately led me here, and there are amazing things in where I am now. It is definitely a daily exercise in walking the tight roped of healing. I think Italy is doing wonderful things to help me maintain the best perspective possible. Thank you again for your comment and your well wishes! I return them to you as well.
Hi Luke, thanks for another wonderful post. Unfortunately cancer played a role in my Italy story and my dad was diagnosed exactly when I was planning on moving here. He passed away August 2016 while I was home visiting and in some unspoken ways, something about Italy is so healing. I think also it has to do with all the history that is surrounding you, you are constantly reminded that we are all just here temporarily, for a blimp of time, like so many that have walked the cobblestone streets before us and such is life, so it needs to be enjoyed for what it is. Sending hugs.
Jasmie, thank you for coming back for another read! I agree, discovering Italy is rediscovering yourself. I absolutely believe that we are brought here on our journey so that we can move forward, wiser, stronger and more clear about what we need to do to live our best life and how we can be there for others in ways we never imagined. Sending hugs back to you and much success on your journey.
AHHH, you are one of the lucky ones! I am sure I was Italian in a past life……. but not now….:(
Thanks, Tony. I do think I was given a genetic gift to be able straddle both cultures. Now when my language skills permit me to immerse..that will be magic!