“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames.”
Rumi
I owe you an apology. I have been hiding something from you. Maybe not hiding, just not revealing everything. I thought I was done with closets, but I’m coming out, again! I’m dating someone. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, that’s probably not a surprise to you. However, there is another part that I haven’t shared publicly. The news is that I’m moving from Roma to Torino at the end of this month. I know it’s a double whammy, but I’d like to tell you about the path that led me here. I believe the story is worth the read.
When my sister and I visited Italy last September, a voice in my head kept telling me, “Go to Torino.” I had no idea why, but it was persistent. The strange thing was, other than a recommendation from my friend, Maurine, I only knew Torino for two things: the Shroud of Turin and the 2006 Winter Olympics. I considered traveling there by train, but my sister and I were having too much fun and I didn’t want to disrupt our agenda. I was able to shake Torino from my thoughts for the rest of our trip.
When I finally moved to Italy in February, the desire to see Torino came back in full-force. I decided to follow that feeling. I traveled there my first free weekend in March. My only expectations were: see snow-covered Alps in the distance and try some really good chocolate. As it turns out, Torino produces 40% of the chocolate consumed in Italy, and has a storied past steeped in chocolate. I had great expectations in the chocolate category.
Upon my arrival, I spent the first night walking around the historic landmarks and expansive piazzas. It was remarkably different from Rome. It looked more central European than the southern and central regions of Italy I had visited. The architecture was less Medieval and Romanesque, but more Baroque and Neoclassical. My first stop was Piazza Vittorio Veneto. It is among the largest piazzas in Europe, with beautiful porticos and expansive views of the nearby hills overlooking the River Po. Then there was Piazza Castello, adjacent to the beautiful Palazzo Reale di Torino, Italy’s first royal palace and the former residence of the Royal House of Savoy, Italy’s first royal family. I walked until midnight admiring everything I saw.
On day two, after hours of sight-seeing, I was strolling through Piazza San Carlo in the city center, and that’s when I met “the Italiano.” Actually, I met three Italiani, one guy and two miniature Italian greyhounds (piccoli livrieri). It was a triple-play of sorts. It was one of those Central Park New York romantic movie scenes: you bump into a guy with dogs, you admire the dogs first to break the ice, and then you admire the guy behind the dogs. We had enough mutual interest to agree to have a drink and enjoy the unusually warm March afternoon together. Over the course of our aperitivo, I revealed almost everything about my life to date. I have little shame these days, so I prefer to “open the kimono” wide and wait for the awkward reaction. The truth was, there was no awkward reaction. There was only compassion and understanding. I chose to surrender to the moment despite the suddenness of it. I didn’t attempt to slow, manipulate or stop it. I actually was surprised to find myself enjoying it. That first night ended at 11:00 after an unexpected performance of a modern interpretation of Hamlet in an ancient cemetery, but that’s a great story for another time.
The events of the last two years have taught me that when the Universe gives you a gift, you damn well better take it! I always knew I would meet somebody again. I never expected after four weeks in Italy he would drop right in front of me in the very same city that had been pulling at me for months. I believe some part of me knew I had to be in Torino on March 9, 2019 and in Piazza San Carlo at 5:00 p.m. Life began messaging me months in advance to be ready for the gift when it finally presented itself. I just needed to show up and claim it.
I think that’s how life’s gifts work. They are all readying themselves for me to show up and take them. Despite the tremendous sadness over the last two years, there is a gift underneath all of that tragedy. The gift is that I have to learn to live, love and trust myself again, before I can expect that of someone else. I depended on Darin to provide much of my love, confidence, and approval. I didn’t always show up for myself.
I also have to learn to take risks again. My former life didn’t require many decisions around risk. It worked beautifully in its own controlled way. Now that my future is uncertain, risk is a tool. Risk and vulnerability create those amazing “what-if” scenarios in life that allow you to explore different tributaries of the same river. I believe they always float you back to where you need to be, but in the process, you find something different and exciting. You find something that fans your flames.
I don’t know how this will end, but I do know this. If I choose not to take the leap, I am closing a door to potential happiness. There is definite loss in saying no to this opportunity, but I cannot find any loss in saying yes. Perhaps my decision is hasty, perhaps my heart will break, perhaps..perhaps..perhaps. Fear could stop me dead in my tracks if I let it. I spent so much of my life fearing the “what-if” that never comes to pass. Now I want to take chances and surround myself with experiences and individuals that force my life to burn bright with joy and excitement even if there is the risk of failure or heart break.
We don’t choose how we enter or how we exit this life, but we do get to choose how we play our time in between. I may not always play to win, but I hope I always play to burn!
Perhaps you’ll feel comfortable enough to share your own serendipitous love or life experience in the comments section of this post. I would love to hear about it, and I think other readers would as well. Thank you for following The Spaghetti Diaries. Because of your interest and sharing, I have readers in 35 countries representing six continents. Now that is a gift!
If chocolate is your thing, check out this great article on the history and art of chocolate in Torino: www.browsingitaly.com/piedmont/turin-chocolate-heaven/2641/. Photos of Torino and many places I noted in the blog can be found in my photographs: https://thespaghettidiaries.com/favorite-things/