“Your days are numbered. Use them to throw open the windows of your soul to the sun. If you do not, the sun will soon set, and you with it.”
Marcus Aurelius, The Emperor’s Handbook
I woke up at 8:29 a.m. today, and this was my view.
The amazing cupola of the Basilica Maria Ausiliatrice in Torino lifting up into the sky, intersecting vertically through a horizontal line of the Italian Alps. After a few days of rain in Torino, I never imagined this was the gift behind the veil of clouds. A million other people will be looking at this scene today, at 8:29 a.m., and have a different reaction. They may appreciate it fully, or it may just resemble another cold April morning. The church could look foreboding to some, while others might spot graffiti on one of the buildings and find it unsightly. It reminds me of a comment posted recently on my blog from a friend, who used these powerful words of perspective, “Are you living a life fully in the “with” instead of “without?” I think I am, but I need to continue to work on that. It is hard to be constantly looking through a lens of appreciation and admiration, but I think it helps when you surround yourself with other people who live in the “with,” grateful for what they have and optimistic for what is to come.
Euro-sizing is an expression that I came up with to signify what living in Europe has done to my American perspective. When I think about my life in California for 30 years, it would be fair to say that in addition to having a loving relationship and close family and friends, I measured success based on a set of financial priorities: buying increasingly larger homes, climbing a financially rewarding career ladder, having an insatiable demand for material consumption, driving a series of German automobiles, and stocking a kitchen full of food that might never make it into somebody’s stomach. This is what “good enough” looked like to me, and many would agree, these were common proof points of a successful life in the United States. I think some people here in Italy would find that past life crazy–squandering so much time on accumulating temporary things. How many amazing 8:29 a.m. experiences did I miss?
I think about life in Italy and what matters most to me now: having a small easy-to-maintain apartment convenient to public transportation, living in a thriving neighborhood with cafes, restaurants and local food purveyors, and being close to a green space for my afternoon walks. I prefer a small variety of clothes that are easy to maintain and can be thrown into a suitcase when I want to travel. The durability of my carry-on luggage is far more important than the size of my wardrobe.
I’m interested in the conversations that are beginning to happen with the locals, as my Italian improves. I feel a difference in what people appreciate here. People are very curious and seem less hesitant to judge a stranger. In a larger city you have to adjust to strangers. Everybody you meet is a stranger at first. This week I moved to a new apartment and left Massimo, the building porter from my first apartment, behind. When I stopped to say goodbye to him, he told me I was “un uomo gentile” a kind man. It struck me that in the limited amount of time we had known each other that he came to that conclusion and offered that compliment. He was a stranger eight-weeks ago when we first met. That was a real feel-good moment. It reminded me that my life experience hasn’t hardened my heart beyond repair.
The number one question I have been asked by locals is, “Why would you ever leave the United States and move to Italy?” Americani (as we are called here) are blessed or cursed with a wealthy image fueled by all that is exported out to the world by our television, films, and brand names. Many people believe life is significantly better in the US by most standards. It’s a rather interesting question to answer, and I haven’t quite found the right words to explain my reasoning for moving without going into my whole story. On the flip side, I have had so many Americans reach out to me and tell me how they envy the ability to move to Italy. It is something that have always wanted to do. I guess both sides of the Atlantic are victims of the same expression in Italian, “L’erba del vicino è sempre più verde.” or, “The grass is always greener in your neighbor’s yard.”
After my first eight weeks in Italy, I expected that I would have had one of those cultural face-slam moments, similar to walking head on into a glass door because you simply can’t see it coming. Or worse, I would be homesick for the creature comforts of the United States, and be pining over the loss of 24-hour convenience, a car, familiarity with my surroundings, conversations in English, margaritas with Don Julio tequila, all sorts of “must-haves” from my former life. Thankfully, I haven’t experienced a sense of loss of any of those things.
What I have figured out about myself is that I like the unknown and unexpected. I crave the adventure of being dropped into a completely foreign place with strangers, and trying to figure it out on my own. Every new interaction begs the question, “How is this going to end?” I like being free from judging everything from a perspective of loss, and now I see an opportunity to gain. Euro-sizing isn’t about living a smaller life; it’s about living a deeper life.
Thank you for your comments and for following The Spaghetti Diaries. I also want to thank my friend Claudio for reminding introducing the phrase and reminding me to live with the perspective of life “with” instead of life “without.”
Luke: As always, I look forward to and am inspired by your posts – thank you for sharing your life and reflections. I will take with me – “Euro-sizing is living a deeper life” very insightful and brilliant. Love to you kind man ♥️
Debra, a 1,000 thank-yous (Grazie Mille!) I cannot help but think of all the influence you have had on me over the years, and teaching me about going deeper into life. Thank you for sharing your life as well! Love to you – beautiful person! ♥️
Hey I love, love this latest blog. I love how you have simplified your life and are living as a minimalist learning how to live without all the fluff in the USA! That’s awesome! I have to ask, how much do you miss the blazing sun and are you keeping a tan? Haha I love to see bright sunny skies but not the hot humid weather. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Love and miss you.
Teresa, I am pleased that this posting left you feeling love! The fluff is nice, but when you get lost in the hunt, it’s no longer beneficial. I think for the first time in several years, my skin tone reflects the unvarnished, untanned..me! My hair color, well that’s a different story. I haven’t missed the pool or the beach, but I’m sure this summer I’ll bronze up again, so many places to go and people to see, and I hear Roma gets very humid come August. So I’ll chase the cool breezes and perhaps a margarita or two! Love and miss you too!
Beautiful.
Having a full heart and full life is worth so much more than “stuff,” but that lesson isn’t learned easily and one that I’m still trying to master. Watching you grow and thrive makes my heart happy and gives me hope and guidance. I’m so proud of you.
Love you!!
Thank you Daria!! Full heart, happy start! It’s only just that, a beginning..with no end and mastery would be boring :). Here’s to many happy returns. Thank you, and I am proud of you! Love returned in spades!
I’m so pleased that you are learning what life really is. I regret that Darin did not have the time to find that out with you. Bless you. Love, Papa
Thank you Dale! It’s taken 48 years, and I’m not sure I have it all completely right, but the next 48 years should get me there. I’m sure Darin is pleased. Bless you too, and sending love from Italy.
This is something I needed to read. Of course, all your posts are incredibly inspiring, but this one really got me. Thank you so much Luke for sharing all of your lovely adventures. I so look forward to them. ❤
Dear Lucca,
I love reading your blog and your latest journey to “euro-sizing”. Your insights are more than inspiring and it is such a joy to see how you have acclimated in your way to your new life in Italy!
As the lyrics of that song say— “keep on keeping on” my friend!
Love u Lucca! Be well!
Lisa
Thank you!! Joy is a great word…and it’s one I invite back into my life with appreciation! I still have a ways to go in my Italian..but I am on my way! 😘🤗
Love this. In some ways, it’s what I’m learning and finding in the Blue Ridge Mountains in NC. Luke, your writing is a very special skill!
Cynthia, thank you! Once you find your centering place it all seems to come together. The Blue Ridge mountains are magical…so you are where you need to be. Love that!!! The timing is synchronous. I don’t believe I would have been open to experience these reflections before. Something had to break in order for a repair to be necessary for me. Thank you for your compliments on my writing. Perhaps I am discovering my real purpose? I am not in any position to close doors at this point..staying in the flow! 🙂
As I told you before, this one made me cry. Having been through a similar reckoning, finding joy is a simple life, it makes me happy that you have discovered that yours days can be full without the constant striving we experienced in California. And, you showed that in your relationship with your porter in the original building. People throughout Italy are getting to see the wonderfully kind person you are.
We have much in common, and you’ve paved a path with guideposts. For that, I am thankful. I yearn for the moment when I can speak fluently, but it’s great to see relationships develop on actions and emotions! Thank you, Maurine. This is a beautiful thing to read tonight! Bonne nuit mon ami!
Someone once told me after an ex had moved out with all his things ‘its just stuff, you’ll get more stuff’. I think about this when I look around my life these days and after having been forced to downsize when we moved to London. We fill the space we’re in. Coming back to the US we filled our space, our lives again…with stuff. This is true with how we live either spiritually or materially. Change is always good, it forces you to deal with either taking on the unexpected and embracing it or fighting it and feeling defeating and homesick if you’re not up for the challenges. Meeting you has given me even more hope that we can and must move forward no matter what the circumstances.
Tony, I think you make an excellent point about filling physical space and mental space. Our human experience seems to be a collection box of treasures and trash…sorting through the mess always gives one a chance to make decisions about what we hold dear and what can be left for roadside pickup :). I’m so glad I had the chance to catch-up with you and Kevin in Roma, and I look forward to following your journey. I agree, when your destiny is clear, no obstacle can keep you from it! Best to you and Kevin – Ci vediamo!
Loved the Euro-size me entry!
Great insights Luke. I think your transformation also has a lot to do with age and how we slow our pace after having had all these earlier growth and desire to achieve types of experiences. If we are lucky we evolve this way.
Enjoy! So love reading your missives 😘
Thank you Julie! Yes, age and probably my slow match through my mid-life crisis 😀 hastened my desire to thin out my baggage both emotionally and physically. I think you are right, the lucky ones make it thru barely scathed, leaner, meaner, and wiser! I’m not sure which end I landed on yet..we will see. I am so glad you enjoy the blog and if you have any suggestions, email me at luke@thespaghettidiaries.com
Grazie and buona giornata to you! 🤗😘