I found this quote from Mariya Fedulova, “Every day you learn something new in order to understand life and find your place under the sun.” It seemed to be the right way to reconnect with all of you this month. The world hasn’t appeared kind in the last several months, and we have seen a lot of people living in the dark through war and all sorts of catastrophes. I wanted to step back and take the quote in and then tell you about my continued progress in finding my place under the sun.
Maybe there will be something in it for you as you think about your life and your place under the sun.
I began writing this entry last month on February 14 when I found myself on a plane again, five years after I had moved to Italy. Another Valentine’s week surrounded by a plane full of strangers. Even though there were no chocolates, hearts, and romance, the Qatar Airlines lounge in Doha made me almost feel loved as a solo traveler.
I was flying to South Africa. From there, I would continue onto Zimbabwe and Botswana. I was taking my first safari. It was something I had dreamed of for my 50th birthday, but the pandemic shut that down.
This year I decided that I would be my Valentine. I was going to find my place in the sun somewhere in the southern hemisphere.
Five years ago I began my journey in Italy, and I’m still here.
Five years ago, Valentine’s Day week, I was aboard an Air France flight from Los Angeles bound for Paris and then to Rome (you can read my first published blog here). I remember the courage, excitement, and anxiety as Los Angeles disappeared from view as the plane flew out over the Pacific. I knew that I would not return for many years. There would be no need to return.
My 18 hours of travel to Africa gave me time to think about how I was marking my anniversary in Europe and how much had transpired in those five years. I reread many of my original blog posts and found myself savoring them. It was not difficult to relive those stories and imagine the person I was when I wrote them.
Much of the fear, anxiety, and discomfort left, while other things have taken root. My place under the sun was written in each post. Perhaps I failed to appreciate it at the time. I failed to see the growth over time.
When I left America for Italy I had three goals in mind.
- to know Italy like the back of my hand and to better understand it’s people, places and culture,
- to expand the footprint of my life to reduce the space that grief left behind after the loss of Darin to cancer,
- and most importantly, find a way back to my place in the sun, and to the light after so much loss and change.
I could never have imagined the last five years. There have been a dozen moves between two countries. I confronted a pandemic in the French countryside. Relationships came and went. I found Sofia, who would become my canine wingman. And finally, I passed the Italian driver’s license exam. That’s a lot of personal growth.
I also would not have imagined the gentleness and acceptance I have found in the last five years. Life has been kinder than cruel to me. There was always a helper along the way to usher me to the next place I needed to be or to assist with that obstacle I needed to overcome. I have made friends all along the roadmap while still holding on to my dearest friends in America.
My desire to understand the culture is unfulfilled. Some moments defeat me, and there are surprises. Each day is filled with a balance of both. I realize that I am no longer an expat here, but I am an immigrant trying to fit into this place and find my place under the sun.
I understand Italy much better today than when I arrived in 2019. Through travels, I have seen more of the country than most Italians have. I have fallen in love with places only to be even more dazzled by the next destination. It’s a country with boundless beauty.
Where will the next five-years take me?
When I think of the next five years, I wonder if I will have the resilience to handle another move, another dramatic change, or another introduction. I say this only because I know change is coming.
As much as Rome has cared for me the last few years, I want something different now. The Eternal City is the birthplace of Western civilization, and it has cradled me back to an adventurous life, but I feel that my time here is drawing to a close.
The apartment in Rome is mine until February 2025. That gives me ten months to find where I will be for the next phase. I wouldn’t call it a search for my forever place, but I would call it the next place where I will find my place under the sun.
I’m perplexed by what is calling to me. There are days when I imagine myself in Puglia, in the heel of Italy’s boot, with a small ancient stone “trullo” house with land and space to enjoy. And then the reality hits that perhaps at 53, I may be pulling the retire to the country card too early. I don’t want to live alone in an area that is too quiet. I need something a bit more stimulating.
When I think about a place in Tuscany or Umbria, near a city like Florence or Perugia, it is hard to imagine being amongst the masses in those cities bursting at the seams with year-round visitors.
Places like Sicily or Sardegna call to me as well. Then I realize they are islands. They could dampen my travel bug with the inability to hop on a train and go anywhere I want in Europe.
My first destination will be the region of Liguria, also known as the Italian Riviera. It’s tucked between the border of France and the city of Genova, and stretches down the region of Tuscany. I’ll be spending a week there and I hope to come away with a better understanding of that region.
Stay tuned
The next few posts I’ll dedicate to my search. I will take you along as I attempt to figure it out. And who knows, perhaps I’ll make some sudden purchase along the way and cut my exploration short. Never underestimate my spontaneity.
The journey to one’s place under the sun is never a straight line. It could be a continuous path. Like the goals I set five years ago, the journey just evolves as you become more aware of what you want and what you don’t want. I’m looking to feel less temporary. I want to create a social network in my hometown. So far, that has escaped me in Rome. I know myself better now. I have a better sense of what I need to feel connected.
My biggest challenge and blessing is that I can go just about anywhere without the ties and burdens that I recognize many others have. The decision is exponentially more difficult. When every place is an option, nothing feels like the right option. It could be the fear of having to choose and the risk of making the wrong choice.
I think you all know me pretty well at this point. We have had a five-year love affair of words, stories, and feelings. Perhaps you have better advice for me that I can offer myself. I remain open to it all. Feel free to drop me a note in the comments if you have some wisdom you want to share.
Still here and still grateful for so many things
Even though I took a writing hiatus, I did not take a hiatus from life. It was full of wonderful adventures and countless moments that made me feel grateful.
After the Africa trip, my sister, brother, nephew, and 80-year-old father were all in Rome. We were together as a family for the first time in Europe. Their visit seemed to provide affirmation that even though my path at times is solitary, it is still the right path. I have amazing support behind the scenes from them.
I feel as if I am the link that brings the past of my family’s life in Italy into the present. It brings what was history back into its place under the sun. It is my responsibility to continue to learn and share with my family and others the beauty of this place. As Mariya Fedulova said, “Every day you learn something new in order to understand life and find your place under the sun.”
Please feel free to comment on any of your place under the sun stories. I always enjoy reading your comments and following along in your lives.
Thanks for following along. I want to share some of my favorite pictures from the last two months. These photos remind me of moments when I found my place under the sun, regardless of where the world found me at that moment.
