“Don’t adapt to the energy in the room. Influence the energy in the room.”
Gabby Bernstein
Staying true to my energy: where tofu and blackberries collide
So if the title of the blog doesn’t stir your curiosity, perhaps the quote will. It’s about understanding your source of power: the things that move you in the moment. It’s also recognizing who you truly are, versus absorbing all of the distractions and noise around us. This quote reminds me that I can change the energy of a situation, instead of letting the energy of the situation change me.
Ever since I have been on my own, I find myself more anxious and worried than ever. I’m not sure if it’s my circumstances of being alone. Maybe it’s the discomfort that I continue to face living in a new continent that continues to unfold before me. Lately, I haven’t been great at staying true to my energy.
Life remains unsettled here. I’m finding my way every day, but the surprises never stop. In the last month I have faced: a rather large colony of bats in my roof, a 2 meter (6 1/2 foot) snake in my garden closet and a daunting hornet nest with a queen hornet that looked like the flying version of the Antichrist. Oh, and the mice that I dealt with last fall are planning a hostile takeover again in my ceiling. You can read about my first experience with them here.
My family and friend visitors over the last two months have been welcome distractions. However, truthfully, I am still struggling to find my balance.
Staying true to my energy means avoid turning into tofu.
My sister and I were talking last night. I was sharing with her a number of the happenings in my town, Europa, and the world. Well, actually I was whining about the never-ending pandemic news and anti-vaxer posts. I went on and on lamenting about the horrible summer we have had in central Europa. My self-pitying didn’t end there, as I continued complaining about the lack of social events and things to do now that my summer guests have departed. I was even whining that I hadn’t had a proper vacation this summer and I longed to return to Italy. (I know what you’re thinking. I’m the last person that should be complaining about not taking a vacation!)
In general, I was using my sister as a sounding board for a whole bunch of negative energy when I should have enjoyed the opportunity to connect with her, my closest ally.
I told her how important is was for me to publish something soon, but that I was struggling with a lack of motivation. It felt as if I was inundated with distractions this week and couldn’t find the motivation.
My sister than surprised me. She told me I was acting like a block of tofu. Tofu? How does one act like tofu? I could only laugh while I waited for her explanation.
She asked me directly, “What do you have to worry about that you can do something about today? Why are you absorbing all of these other distractions just like tofu does? Tofu has no flavor, it just absorbs the flavors of what’s around that. You’re not tofu..and don’t try to be tofu today.”
In all honesty, she was right. I was taking in all of the external factors around me instead of staying true to myself and following my own well-proven path to happiness. Just like tofu, I was in a flavorless place and letting the comings and goings of the world season my perception in a way that was not in my best interest.
I told her that I would be using her analogy to open this post, because It seemed relevant to the current environment. If I was being tofu, others were probably doing the same thing as well.
After the tofu discussion set in, I decided to delay my writing and heed her advice. I was going to find something constructive to do. I needed to focus on something simple and rewarding (key word being rewarding).
Staying true to my energy means I can go pick wild blackberries
So fresh with a new “anti-tofu” attitude, I decided to take a walk. The weather was misty and overcast with a threat of serious rain at any moment. However, I had purpose with or without the rain.
I have been eyeing this enormous stretch of road where the most awesome wild blackberries were just coming into season. I’m talking over 200 meters long (700 feet in length) of wild blackberries. They intertwine on stone ruins of centuries-old vacant houses, along the garden walls and fences. It’s highly likely most people don’t even know they exist. But, that makes it an even better find. It reminded me of a blackberry patch in the forest where I grew up in Pennsylvania. It was hidden and we kept it a secret between my friends. We were there every summer when the berries were ready.
So I took my berry basket (which is actually a very large Ziploc bag) and headed up to find a distraction to my melancholy and to give myself something meaningful to do in the moment.
I had a million other things that called for my attention; study italiano, finish laundry, weed the garden while the sun was at bay, etc..etc. But in the moment, they did not sound nearly as rewarding as collecting what turned out to be about 2.5 kilos (3 pounds) of wild blackberries.
As I was road-side harvesting, I couldn’t help but smile every time a contadino francese (french farmer) drove by and waived. I saw them in tractors and cars. Some working their fields and others probably on their way back to work after lunch. They all seemed purposeful in their movements. I on the other hand, was deliberately unpurposeful and carefree. “Non avevo preoccupazioni – I had no worries.” I felt truly fortunate to be out in the misty weather collecting wild blackberries.
I was surprised at how enjoyable it was to spend two hours needling through brambles and vines to harvest what was a tiny treasure. I was staying true to my energy.
If you’re curious what happened to those blackberries, see the video below.
Staying true to myself, when I don’t have permission or the patience to exhale.
I’m going to state the obvious. These are super-charged emotional times for people. After eighteen months of a pandemic, many of us are just coming out of our COVID closets and feeling like we are part of a similar but alternate universe. The world took a long dramatic inhale and so many of us are still holding our breath waiting for permission to exhale.
I talk to many people in Europa and America, and I can feel their battle-weary souls that are heavy from the impact of confinement. Most are still trying to find their confidence and courage to attempt a life even after being vaccinated. But let’s face it, were not out of the woods yet. This is all new territory for us, and the ending of this story is still unwritten.
I even had my own bit of adjustment having visitors at my house this summer. It was wonderful but at the same time unusual. I can’t say that I didn’t have moments where I wanted to isolate and go inward, as I have grown accustomed to doing over the last year. I’m still waiting to exhale as the world seems to be backsliding into a preventable fourth wave of pandemic. I’m still not fully staying true to my energy.
One of my friends asked why would I trust a vaccine created by Bill Gates when clearly there is a “New World Order” attempting to control us with a COVID vaccine. I thought at the time, “Are you full of shit? Is that where your head is at? Ma, che merda!” I honestly didn’t have the energy or the interest at the time to take up the fight with this person. I’m not absorbing their energy. I’ll take mine someplace else where it can do something good.
If having the vaccine is along the same lines of following a herd of lemmings over the cliff, well then call me a lemming.
My body craves the feeling of an exhale. I want to breathe just a little easier today knowing that I’m doing my part. Yes, I’m extending trust to the people that are much smarter than me on the topic of pandemics and vaccines, but I’m willing to make that trade-off. I’m willing to be a lemming. I’m focusing on what I choose to create and staying true to my energy.
I believe that what Gabby Bernstein means in the quote is simple. Don’t be tofu when the outside world wants to infiltrate your energy. Use your energy to infiltrate the outside world.
To all my friends out there, stay healthy, stay in your energy and exhale just a little even if the outside world hasn’t given you permission yet.