I couldn’t have imagined this

“Live out of your imagination, not your history.”

Steven Covey

Hello friends. I owe you an apology for being delayed with this post. My only excuse is that I am completely inundated with all things “homesteading” over the last few weeks. My days seem to fly by, while evenings draw me into a deep sleep. The “must-do” things take over, while the creative perishes. I couldn’t have imagined how busy these last few weeks were going to be for me.

I’ll give you the bullet-point version of what’s happening:

1. I exited Paris at the right time. Within days after I left, stricter COVID-19 restrictions went into effect. This weekend, a curfew was placed over major French cities to slow the infection rates. Paris definitely isn’t as fun now as it was a few weeks ago. You can read more about my big Paris reveal from my last posting here.
2. When I arrived in Southwest France, I carried out my own self-imposed quarantine. I had a few days to wait before the house would be ready, so I took some time to be solo. After being in Paris for four weeks, the last thing I wanted to bring back as a souvenir for my friends was a COVID infection!
3. On October 1, I became the caretaker of a several-centuries old house. It’s so old, there are no records of it being built. But don’t worry, it’s been modernized over time.
4. However, a house this old, still has its complications. I have become intimately familiar with the latest in European septic tanks, or as they say en français, “fosse septique”.
5. I have schooled myself on the various tractors/lawn mowers required to maintain a lot of land in Southwest France and even found a trailer to haul things around the garden (including Sofia). Did someone say puppy hayrides?
6. I started the proper christening of the house by beginning to paint it immediately.  It felt like marking my territory. The smell of fresh paint purged the past and created a literal blank canvas.
7. Between Amazon and furniture deliveries, I have been rummaging local estate sales and thrift shops with friends Gregory, Graeme and Maurine to find unique furnishings that are undoubtedly European and surprisingly inexpensive.
8. I established my utilities, except for my internet service. That has been problematic. I have received numerous emails in French from the service provider telling me, “We have received your request to cancel your order and refund your deposit. Thank you for being a valued customer.” Oh boy, I’m not sure how to deal with that yet. I have a technician coming this week. Wish me luck!
9. I think Sofia is lost in all of this space. I think she is enjoying her new second home. I’m not sure I’ll ever get her back on a leash again when I return to Torino. She is quite the independent girl for being only ten-months old.
10. And finally, those four-weeks of French lessons were incredibly helpful. However, they are woefully inadequate for communicating the most important information to delivery persons. So I have learned to say, “You can’t find my house on Google Maps–please use these GPS coordinates.” Many homes in this region were never given street numbers, but just a name. So the addresses were written as “Lieu dit Au Clerc” or “The Place called Au Clerc.” I have one of those addresses, and so far, Google isn’t cooperating with my address request.

Without seeking sympathy, I find myself unusually occupied. It’s a far cry from my lazy mornings in bed with coffee. I do miss the freedom to jump on a train and find myself in another city or country experiencing something new. I’m getting something new alright, it just feels a bit more structured.

Apparently, I’m a glutton for punishment, because admittedly, I no longer enjoy the mundane. I seem to seek out chaos and disruption. This is what my life has been the last few years. I believe it’s exactly what I need. It’s the lesson that continues to go unmastered. Perhaps I’m doing this so that I can eventually find myself comfortable with the uncomfortable.

I am establishing a new social circle here, and after my month in Paris, I have new friends there as well. My life in Italia and France is connecting. I can’t wait for the italiani to come visit. It will shake things up a bit. These masters of all things beautiful will certainly have great discussions over food, wine and culture.

I couldn’t have imagined a life where I can bring together people from such wonderful places to celebrate under one roof. There isn’t a day that goes by that I am not thankful for having the chance to straddle these worlds, and I feel like it is now the time to do so. Admittedly, I have been somewhat irresponsible the last two years. I have tethered myself to nothing, and always found something amazing. Having this house and this land feels like I have a responsibility now. I’m open to where it leads me and how it connects with my past.

I thought I would share with you some photos from around the property. I hope you can feel the magic that rests here.

I’ll leave you with the last interesting tidbit. Two-years ago this week I became recognized as an italiano and a citizen of the European Union. My sister and I began our journey in the small village of Colli a Volturno. We ate great food and drank wonderful wine, while we harvested olives from trees. Our hands crafted cheese and gelato with the caseifici and gelatori, and we met some of the most wonderful people who I still keep in touch with today. I couldn’t have imagined creating this life when I started this journey.

I am beginning to understand the synchronicity of these events. Make no mistake, I would erase everything gained the last two-years to have my husband back again, but I can’t. So, instead, I’m trying to settle into this life as a changed person. Ultimately, I am trying to be someone who can hold the joys of the past, see happiness in the future, and leave the pain behind. I think this change will help. I couldn’t have imagined that I would find myself here, in this place that seems to be so gentle on a bruised soul.

With the current state of affairs across the globe, I imagine there are a few of my readers suffering a bruised soul and the feeling of going nowhere. My advice to you, in the midst of all of the chaos, find what excites you and makes you uncomfortable. Chase that.

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